that DARN blog...

It grates on my mind ALL THE TIME. I don't know how people can just "forget" about their blogs --mine grates on me everyday. ...Everyday that I don't write is a conscious choice. Sometimes my writing is too personal, and therefore, includes too much of what's going on inside of my brain.

My brain.
Ugh. Be grateful you're not there. At some point, the whole story will come flooding out, and the puzzle pieces will all make sense. That's not today. That's not anytime soon, so until then, I may write... I should write... I have three little girls who will someday wonder what's the dealio with the holes here, but maybe much longer than that someday, they will understand.

...Maybe by then I will too.

Where is Rebecca?

Time will tell.

"We judge ourselves by what we feel capable of doing, while others judge us by what we have already done."
-Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

My Mia

Mia is my little buddy who follows me around the house and goes shopping with me all the time. She goes everywhere with me all the time. Mia is hilarious, and makes me laugh on a constant basis. I a hear little " 'Cuse me" from her here and there, and I bust up. I hear "Mommy, peese help me" -but it's all muffled together- like 50 times a day. She loves her puzzles and her stickers... She's girly -loves nail polish, pink, jewlery, and refuses to take her dress off after church. Mia is a huge Mickey Mouse fan, and is very VERY intrigued by my make-up, as she watches me put it on everyday.

(I try to ignore the fact that she's watching carefully waiting for my attention to fall on something else in order to ninja herself in and steal something to start applying beauty products to her own lovely little face!!!)

Love that girl.

Ella

MY ELLA

Today I drove Ella around Logan and we talked about college and how she wants to be a veterinarian and work with race horses. She is becoming so amazingly smart and seems to take in everything around her... She asks questions, but she figures out so much on her own. I know this girl has an amazing future, and I am so excited to see what she will become.

So many

So many ridiculous cartoons that I can't stand.
So many meals I FLOP.
So many creative ways I can now hide from dirty diapers.
SOOOOOO many tears, and fits, and questions!
So many cuddles and kisses.
So many "I love you's".
So many blessings.

So many blessings.

Football, baybee!!!

Steelers = Candace's team

Greenbay = Lance's team

WAR

blood -eew

While shaving today, in lieu of dropping the soap, I managed to cut a huge chunk out of my left ring finger. It bled everywhere! Aaaah, beauty=pain!!!

neglect

I have been neglecting this blog, and it's time to get back in the saddle! Ever notice when one thing goes, EVERYTHING goes too? So today I picked up all the trash out of the van, I took down all the Christmas stuff (not entirely my fault--the bins for storing it all were in the storage shed until this week), scrubbed all 3 bathrooms, cooked pumpkin pancakes for Ella, and even did my nails.

Feelin' good!

Good Stuff

All the more introspection as time rolls on... I'm coming up on my last session of therapy this Thursday. I have found many valuable tools in the way I think. Translating everything that I have learned is something different... It's the same as knowing any certain truth and not demonstrating what you know. It grates on you, but you can be okay with it too. I have learned that 1- I am a valuable person. 2- I have pieces of me that I have neither listened to, nor given heed to which are desperate to speak out loud. It may be this way my whole life -yet, when I know I'm not heading in a direction that I want to go, listening will prove the most important thing I can possibly do. 3- Caring for me is not a present contribution. I am past/present/future Rebecca, and there is so much to address to each of them.

I am not going to dive much further into this, but I do want to say that it's been so good for me to have an outside perspective on ME and the way/ things I think. How can that not be helpful?
Good stuff.

7

7 years, baby. This one is for you....

:)