Wednesday, August 26, 2009

Sabrina Anne

Welcome to the world, little Sabrina Anne. The birth of this little angel is the most excruciating story of my life. Never have I experienced pain like this before -and understand with ease how women can die from delivering quite easily… But it's a happy story in the end!

YES, I took the caster oil, and yes, it was effective. I didn’t know at the time that my doctor wouldn’t be available for the delivery on that date (grrr) and that I’m technically not “supposed” to do this caster oil bit because it’s so dehydrating. Oh well. After a lot of running around on Sunday -getting laundry done, sorting and putting away all of Ella and Mia’s hand-me-downs for the baby, etc., I found myself in a lot of pain! We dropped Ella off with Donny and Debbie, and Mia off with Granny. *Best to keep the load as light as possible, as it’s such a HUGE favor to us. ….Thank you, parents!

We arrived at the hospital around 6:00 PM on August 23rd (Sunday night). Okay, I’m going to throw this out there, but I have a VERY sensitive cervix! Checking me for dilation was quite painful --little did I know that it was only the tip of the iceberg for what I was in store for… Upon the first check, I was 5 cm, and was READY for the drugs! The nurses hooked me up to an IV (no drugs yet) and I got a little rest (save the occasional contraction) for the first time that day. …Everything SLOWED DOWN!! The nurses were then telling me that it’s a tell-tale sign that I’m in ‘FALSE LABOR’. Excuse me?????? So, after I calmly explained that I was in too much pain to be sent home, it was suggested that I take a walk. Ouch! Lance and I padded around the floor with my IV in tow for around an hour. …They had told me that if I progressed they’d keep me. The doctor on call was a nice enough fellow, but he was apparently very “by the book” but he un-lovingly told me he’s had women go for WEEKS dilated to 5 cm. LOVELY. We got back to the bed and I was checked again (PAIN) and was a 7-8 cm dilation. …No drugs yet.

So we get out the good ole’ fentanyl (my happy drug) in order to get the epidural going (I have a hyper-sensitive back that won’t let someone jab around unless I’m “sedated” a bit). Out comes my sweet little Anesthesiologist who gets started. Bless his heart, he tried. He tried and tried and tried and TRIED. My back curvature wasn’t super cooperative -trying to round over a big baby in my belly… He couldn’t find the space he needed to. This meant that when he’d get in, he’d have to use the needle and poke around to find the correct space -against bone. I was wailing by this point. I remember holding as still as possible, attempting to breathe through intense contractions, and looking down (with Lance’s arms around me and my head pushed firmly against his chest) just watching the tears dumping out of my eyes. …This pain was excruciating. On the 4th try, the doctor felt that he had what he needed, however, in the end, he numbed one thigh. There was no pain relief.

The labor progressed and my ability to breath and concentrate through the contractions waned with fatigue. The now CRAPPY fentanyl wasn’t doing JACK for the pain, and I found myself begging for something more, something different. I couldn’t face the idea of going back to try the epidural for a 5th time, but I couldn’t face the idea of delivering naturally as this pain was unbearable as it was. My water hadn’t broken -and that was the key to getting the entire process done. The doctor on call was busy with two separate c-sections, which left me with nurses who could only tell me “yes you can do it” and “we can’t give you anything else”. NIGHTMARE. After being rolled to one side that sent me hollering and probably swearing too, I managed to get back on my back when the doctor appeared. He said we were ready to go. Lance tried to remind me (sweetly) to BREATHE through the contractions, but it was nearly impossible. I had to push. The pushing didn’t take too long, but I swear, I felt my entire body burn and then split in two. We had our baby. …Delivering the after-birth was painful, all the “checks” afterward were painful -and I couldn’t focus on the joy of the moment to save my life. I had endured HELL and it wasn't disappearing with any form of speed.

My doctor has told me that women are created differently -and it’s a matter of the physical composition of the cervix that determines whether or not she really can withstand a natural birth -it’s not pain-wussiness!! I actually am a pretty tough girl! I am NOT built for natural child birth, however. BAH!

7 lbs, 5 oz. 19” long. Sabrina Anne came into my life on Sunday evening at 11:34 PM. …By the grace of God, I survived the journey, and now have the most beautiful angel in my home to make 3 miracles.