Wednesday, January 7, 2009

...last night...

Last night I had one of those parenting moments that made me absolutely heartsick. Ella was whiny about going to bed, and I was a bit reactive to it. I’d sent her down to her room after I heard Mia crying in her bed so that I could make Mia a bottle first. I got down to the girl’s room, picked Mia up, and tried to rock her to sleep. Ella stayed very quiet, but I noticed that she was crying. She looked at me with such a sad face. I put Mia down after a moment and came over to Ella who said “you’re being nice to Mia and not nice to me”. I started to cry. I told Ella how sorry I was and that I would work on MY attitude when she goes to bed too. I told her that being her mommy is the best thing that ever happened to me, and that I loved her so much it makes me cry sometimes.
Bless her heart. I don’t mean to be unfair to either of my girls at any time. This would have felt pretty crappy if I were in her place, and when she said that, it broke my heart. Ella, you are you baby, and I love you more than you’ll ever know.
When I left the room I sat down on the stairs and said a prayer. I know I’m so unworthy to be the mom to these two angels –and why God trusts me with them, I’ll never know. I’m sure grateful that He does, though.