Wednesday, December 17, 2008

Goodbye Ed

Ed is my dad’s cousin. He died on December 14th. I met him a long time ago when he’d come to Logan with his mother; Aunt Barbie (my Grandmother’s sister) to Grandmother’s 75th birthday party. I was 17 years old. He and I connected for some reason, and had a lot of chats during that visit. Since then, we’ve exchanged letters which slowed and turned into only a yearly Christmas greeting. I’d just sent mine to him, but don’t think he received it in time before he died.
I feel like I gained an appreciation for the person he was. He was very interesting, and had some serious mechanical talent. I guess what breaks my heart is how he wasn’t considered much a part of the family in recent years. I recently saw Aunt Barbie’s Christmas card, and he wasn’t mentioned at all, although his two brothers were. I don’t know what his choices were that put him in that position, and I don’t judge those who chose to cut off contact. I’m just sad that it happened at all. He died alone just like Uncle Richard –not feeling wanted and not having the appreciation of love and family that I wish they’d had… Grandmother and Barbie (sisters) both lost a son this year. It makes me resolve firmer that regardless of the choices my children make, they will NEVER be on the outside of my communication and love. I could never bare the idea of having my child die (or take their life) without knowing how sincerely they are loved, needed and wanted.