The struggle with figuring out my scheduling/ health/ work/ marriage/ child care dilemma is over. I have taken the ever-scary step of tendering my resignation with my job.
My last day will be July 10th. Lance and I have been in discussions over this issue for months now, and he’s actually VERY excited for what it will all mean for our family. The way it works right now, I wake up around 4:45AM and am ready by 6:00AM (time negotiable based on hair-style) for Lance to get off work and come home. At this point I cruise in to work. I work from 6:30ish to 12:30ish (part-time). When I get home, my little family has a few precious moments together (MUCH more than when I finished at 3:00PM with the fly-by hi-by) before Lance goes to bed and I’m on my own with the kiddos for the night. Going forward, Lance will be able to come home from work and actually go to bed instead of being responsible for two (soon to be 3) little loves (i.e. getting Ella to/ from school, chasing toddler & busy-body Mia, and wrangling a new-born) for six hours before I come home again. He’ll be awake by late afternoon, and we’ll have all evening (he starts work at 10) together as a family. This means SO much to us as a family –and more importantly, as a couple.
There have been a few contributing factors that brought me to the decision to quit my job. First, there are no benefits that I’m using from my company –and it doesn’t even offer short-term disability or maternity leave, which means I’d contribute no income after baby anyway. Second, I am starting to become less reliable as my headaches and health continue to play a huge role in whether or not I can actually make it in to work for the day. On this note, I want to be SURE that I leave in good standing with the company so that -should the need arise- I could come back. Third, Lance’s job is about to pick up even more –and he will be working up to 7-days a week. This makes it VERY difficult for his sleeping schedule, as well as child-care if he’s scheduled a double. This problem would be eliminated and he’d be much better rested and able to work what he needs to (quickly making up my paycheck with his extra time available as well). Fourth, I’d be facing time off for the baby, then for my hysterectomy (hopefully soon thereafter –story for a different day), and we’d also be facing a scheduling conflict because Ella goes to kindergarten in the fall. This would all require time off as well as serious schedule adjustments for us to work out if I continued working. Fifth –and MOST important- I can’t imagine regretting the extra time and attention I would be able to give my children. Lance agrees from his perspective as well, as they would get the “first” of his day (waking in the afternoon and spending time with us before work) rather than the tired “end” of his day, which for any parent means more quality. …It’s just the way it is. This also opens the door for Lance to see Ella after school –with his current schedule he wouldn’t be able to see her at all after school, and his time with her would be drastically reduced (which he dreaded the most). So, all signs point to this decision.
The FEAR: There are many. I fear I won’t be the productive and incredible mom I envision I could be. I fear the financial burden all being on Lance’s shoulders could be too much and that he could resent me in the end for having to carry it. I fear that without the social interaction and skill-upkeep that I get daily from my separate work identity that I could lose a piece of myself that I need to keep alive and active for future employment (kids won’t be home with me forever –they go to SCHOOL!). Lance and I have a contingency plan, as I am going to be investigating school options for myself. I don’t see myself getting a degree (unlike EVERY OTHER MEMBER OF MY IMMEDIATE FAMILY), but I would love to certify as a paralegal or something similar with a marketable skill set to add to what I have already. …I’m an excellent employee. :)
My new job is my home. My home has, admittedly, taken a ‘side-car seat’ to work, as I have balanced the two since I had Ella. Not working wasn’t an option (VERY rare in this day and age to survive on one income), so we did what we had to do. Now there is a new focus, and that’s the piece I’m actually VERY excited about. I have plans on how I want to run and organize my home –on how I want to plan and execute fun and educational activities for my girls. I even day-dream about becoming more interested in cooking, but let’s not get ahead of ourselves… I realize that the pregnancy brings with it many physical limitations (most notably fatigue & general PAIN in the nether-region) but I want to put my heart into this decision and embrace the opportunity in front of me. Wish me luck!
Walking with Papa to see her big surprise!
Ella checkin' out the goods! 
Here she is jumpin' on and going for it! See that determination? ...She must get that from me. :)
Here's Daddy and Mia-babes.
I thought this was a funny shot- here's Lance and myself trying to get the cake lit. There's teamwork!
Here's Chaedon with Chazzy and Ella, they're wrestling.
I think Chaedon lost!
Here's my boy on my girl's bike! It was a precious moment.
I'm starting to notice in my token self-portrait that I'm looking more haggard as this pregnancy goes forward. I'll either stop posting these shots, or maybe post them as a record that I can use to extort something from the new baby for the noticeable toll she's taken on me!
It was a great night -while I lasted. Lance tells me that the kids were awesome and they had a fun time. I'll pick up the rest of the weekend in the next blog entry.
