In The Pursuit Of Happiness #2

Today is Ella's birthday. 'Nuff said.

5 years ago

5 years ago I was awake at 3:09 AM and delivered my first child. Elizabeth Diana came into this world after many prayers, and much pain.

I’d developed high blood pressure over my first pregnancy. It had gotten to the point that my LDS Nurse-Midwives group wanted me to come back to LDS Hospital (in the Avenues in SLC) 2x every week for fetal-non-stress tests. This is where you get strapped to a machine to hang out as your baby gets monitored for a while, then you get an ultrasound to measure the amount of fluid in the uterus –to ensure the baby’s overall health. I was about 2 weeks early and had come to my standard appointment on May 12th. They had a doctor review my results in a different room after the ultrasound, who reviewed the whole picture –to which his direct words were: “It’s time to put you out of your misery.” YAY!!! They escorted me to my room and had me change. I lost my super cute silver hoop earrings at the hospital over that visit, but that’s small potatoes. I remember sitting down in that bed still thinking to myself that I’ll believe it when I see it. Of course I knew there was a baby inside, but the reality of holding this individual and actually caring for it was foreign. I did ask the folks in charge if I could ease my vehicle out of the 2-hour parking, to which I got a firm “no”. I’d even tried to see if I could possibly come back that afternoon after I moved the half-finished laundry and again received a firm “no”.

Out came the cell phone! I was on pitocin and was 2cm dilated. I called EVERYBODY. I had some family come down from Logan and at one point or another most all of my family members spent some labor time with me.Labor was ROUGH!!! I had back-labor and had contractions every 2 minutes or less for hours and hours. The crappy anesthesiologist was SUCH a jerk! Ok, I have a hyper sensitive back, and when folks poke at it, it makes me jump –it’s excruciating. *My current doctor (bless her HEART) tells me that I just have more nerves in my lower back than most people, she sees it often, and it is fixable with some happy-meds that can be administered before the epidural procedure ever starts –NOW I know. So this jerk from LDS Hospital was mean to me about the process “if I can’t push on your back like this I won’t be able to get the epidural in” –Lance almost decked him, as I’d waited WAY TOO long to have this done. I waited because of my mom’s high-pressure sales in “natural” childbirth as she magically had 5 for 6 kids drug-free, and I was sobbing.Epidural in, no relief! ½ of one leg was numb, and my only option was to wait some more until the next anesthesiologist came on duty. I’d gone over some Lamaze breathing techniques with my mom and was simply holding it together and breathing through this excruciating pain, so I don’t feel like people really understood what I was going through! GRRR.

14 hours of pitocin-induced back-labor with no relief was enough to do me in, I remember thinking there was no way I’d survive another contraction. The next anesthesiologist came in and saved my life. I remember telling Lance to give him a kiss for me as I drifted off to sleep with some actual relief. 3 hours later at 3AM I was pushing Ella out with numb legs and a bit of a smile on my face. My sweet late-working sister Mary had stuck around for the birth but had dozed off in the corner of some waiting room and no one could find her in time to witness the messy miracle. :) After I’d delivered her, Ella was a bit lethargic. I don’t remember her apgar score or anything like that, but she perked up after a few moments. When they placed her in my hands and I looked down at her, I remember thinking to myself; “that’s my face” –the first and last time I saw myself in the way she looks!

Ladies, we all know we don’t forget the pain (HUGE wives-tail), however, there is absolutely nothing we wouldn’t have done in order to bring these angels in our lives. Happy birthday, Ella.

In The Pursuit Of Happiness #1

My darling friend Joni tagged me for an 8-day-blog update: something that made me happy today.
Today I listened to “Far Away” by Nickelback about 6 times in a row on my i-pod. All I could think about was Lance. It was a throw-back reminder of how passionately and sincerely I do love him, and how I felt about him when we separated and came back together. I hate how we get so caught up in everyday life that we forget how much people mean to us. So this reminder made me happy today.
Lyrics:

This time, This place Misused, Mistakes
Too long, Too late Who was I to make you wait
Just one chance Just one breath
Just in case there's just one left
'Cause you know, you know, you know
[CHORUS]
That I love you I have loved you all along
And I miss you Been far away for far too long
I keep dreaming you'll be with me and you'll never go
Stop breathing if I don't see you anymore

On my knees, I'll ask Last chance for one last dance
'Cause with you, I'd withstand All of hell to hold your hand
I'd give it all I'd give for us Give anything but I won't give up
'Cause you know, you know, you know
[CHORUS]
So far away Been far away for far too long
So far away Been far away for far too long
But you know, you know, you know
I wanted I wanted you to stay 'Cause I needed I need to hear you say
That I love you I have loved you all along
And I forgive you For being away for far too long
So keep breathing'Cause I'm not leaving you anymore
Believe it Hold on to me and, never let me go
Keep breathing'Cause I'm not leaving you anymore
Believe it Hold on to me and, never let me go
Keep breathing Hold on to me and, never let me go
Keep breathing Hold on to me and, never let me go
-Nickelback

Dino-Mite Birthday Party!

Ella's birthday party was a great success! Here's our star at the beginning of the day!

Here I am, gearing up for the fun... If you look carefully, yes, you'll see our un-hung curtains -wanna do that today, hunny? And you'll also see a little hand reaching up on the night-stand getting into mischief. Babies rock! We all met at Willow Park. Left to right, we have Candace, Scotty (holding Chaston), Debbie, Donny, and Granny's back.

The kids started out playing on all the toys (YAY for parks!). Mia actually did the slide without too much trauma! Here's Uncle Seuao letting her go and Nanny waiting to catch her!

BTW- THANK YOU MARY for lending us Benny's jacket. In all our rushing for the day we didn't pack warmer clothes for the kids -and it turned pretty nippy in the evening.

Apprehensive, yeah, but you GOTTA be able to work a slide, man. Go Mia!

Can you see the joy? Me neither.

AAH! SOLID TERRA FIRMA!

Here's the birthday girl on the slide! That's a pregnant Lex in the background!

We had some fun frames that the kids were able to put some foamy dinosaur stickers on for something fun to take home. Yes, next to Ella is one of her MANY Pokemon.

Here's Lex and Noah!

Left to right, Mary, Benny-babes, Lex, Rach's eyes and nose, Noah, Ella, Me and Scotty.
Here's Ella and cousin Aneesa!
Simple craft, lots of fun.

Mia kept herself busy with the wagon.

ELLA GOT A NEW BIKE! We were SO nervous about her getting on it, but the excitement and motivation were really high -the girl jumped on and went for it! Thank goodness for training wheels.

She's showing Aneesa here.

Lots of excitement!

Ella's two grandma's are in the picture here -there's Nanny on the left and Debbie on the right.

Amidst the chill, the candles were ROUGH to get lit! Thanks Scotty and Lance!

The cake is a DARLING dinosaur -orange flavored (mmm, delish!) with Green and Orange colors -Ella's favorite. My little princess. Not. THANK YOU KAREN (dear dear friend of mine)- QUEEN O' CAKES!

Side Bar: if you look at the bottom of the cake, you'll see where the green icing is all mashed in... Remember the BLUE jacket I was wearing at the beginning of the day? Yeah, my boob got the cake. Luckily few noticed. ...Token casualty.

Mobile Mia!

Still mobile, but taking a rest! Here's Mia with her cousins Lily and Noah.

To my family and Lance's, THANK YOU all SO dearly for the lovely gifts and amazing display of love and support for us and for Ella in celebration of her 5th birthday! Thanks to Erin, too, who was a HUGE help to me with wrangling kiddos, picture taking, and overall sanity keeping.

In looking at the chaos, there was just so much love. My little Ella is such a jewel in this family -she deserves to be celebrated. I'm so grateful to be her mom. Her real birthday is tomorrow, and I simply can't believe that she has 5 long years under her belt. I love you, sweetie!

Mother's Day 2009

Well, ladies, we have made it another year, working the best job on the planet. Being a mother has been the most humbling and beautiful experience I could ever ask for. The little souls who look to me for guidance, for permission, for help, for comfort, cuddles, and loves are the source of the most pure form of joy I believe can be felt on this Earth. It’s the closest comparison and representation to heaven I can imagine.
The realities of motherhood are evident in the back-pages of this blog. Moms have good days and bad days, and I think we’ll all do a bit of a “number” on our kids in one way or another. I was chatting with some book-club members and read about some other women’s takes on how parents influence their kids. My point that I added was very simple, but I stand by it:
I truly believe that every decision my parents made during my childhood was what they believed would be in their children's best interest -yet because of their own internal flawed nature and views, their actions were skewed and damaging in their own way. The important piece to remember is that no person is perfect: yet these imperfect people have somehow been trusted with the enormous responsibility of raising new human beings -helping to shape their characters and lives. It's the human-ness of the parents that give the kids (if they choose to take it as such) the balance of what life really has to offer. Life is not all roses and will not always come out with a satisfying ending to different circumstances. I believe the reality in which we find ourselves -and the allowance of humanity we give ourselves as parents is necessary to raise (and be ourselves) a well-rounded human being, much more able to function in a realistic world.
Mom, I have learned a million important lessons from you, and want you to know that you did something really well: I have a perspective of an imperfect person, who can see through an imperfect light how wonderful you truly are. I can’t hold either of my parents to a “standard” in which I think they should have met (even when it comes to diplomacy with car insurance!), I can only appreciate the lessons I have learned from what good and what not good happened in my child-hood. I have the ability now to communicate with others –and to have empathy with situations that I myself might not have had to live through. I have now the gift of compassion for many whom there might not be much patience or understanding. I live now with the truth that the human-face on a parent is necessary for a child to be able to grow and build their own character. I love you so dearly, and thank you for my gifts that came directly from your heart. You’re one of my sincerest heroes and I can’t begin to describe how grateful I am to be your daughter.

Happy mother’s day to all my peeps out there –be you a mother, an auntie, a friend, or a child who appreciates your own mother.

Birthday a'comin!

We’re planning Ella’s 5th birthday party for this Saturday. My crazy little girl is gonna be going to Kindergarten this fall! I can’t believe how OLD she’s getting ! Ella was such a HUGE surprise. I really had accepted that I wasn’t going to be able to have any children, when Lance and I were blessed with this little miracle. It’s SO strange to see pictures of her as a baby, because of how well I know her now –it’s like a different person. I feel like it’s a little stranger I’m trying to remember.

The canyon is calling....

Yesterday Lance switched over from grave to swing shift for the week, so we had him all to ourselves for the day. We decided we needed to make it count, so we took off for the canyon -rain and all!

Despite weird and drizzly weather, everyone was in GREAT spirits! Here's Ella in 3-layers of clothes!

The LUCKIEST guy in the world: having a wife who loves the canyon as much as HE does!

Mia was dead tired, but she kept her spirits up watching the fire and chillin' with her folks.

Lance's mom Debbie came along for the trip! It was GREAT to have Grandma with us!

Fire in the rain!Who doesn't love a great hot-dog cooked on the open flame?

Here's Mia with her 3-layers of clothes! Goin' for the ole' sippy.

It's not a self-shot, folks!

Exhaustion

Ok, so I’m REALLY tired! On Saturday morning Lance and I stood on the porch and stared out at no little drizzle –but a FREAKIN’ DOWNPOUR!!! We wondered if we should put the entire move off, and also began to question whether or not we’d have any kind of showing for the help we wrangled. GRATEFULLY, my brother-in-law Scotty’s work schedule changed and he had the day off, and then Lance’s other friends showed up too… The boys worked HARD, with no real breaks due to the rain (not so bad, in that respect, heh) and got the house emptied in no time. While they worked I finished the master bathroom (who can pack that kind of stuff early?) and the kitchen –with the last of the dishes that needed to be cleaned, etc. I got the house cleaned pretty well while they unloaded the 1st load, and was ready to go back with them for the 2nd and final load. Lots of pizza and a promised round-o-golf later, we said good-bye to the guys and continued to work.
Between Saturday and Sunday I got most of the house unpacked. I took yesterday off from work to recuperate –however- I was surprised at how UN-motivated I was, as it was mostly done anyway. Taking this day off was worse for me than planned, as the exhaustion settled in. I have a bum ankle (different story for a different day: involving a grand entrance “Hola mi familia, you look familia!” and heels– you do the math) that freaks out when I ‘over-do’ it, and it was KILLING me. Tylenol. Good stuff. NOT.
Anywho, I will post some pictures of the place all put together later. It’s fabulous –with LOTS more space than what we’ve been cramped into the last 5 months (although we loved the house). I need to go get more stuff! Right hunny?

My beebee

Pictures entirely too cute not to post!

organization

The effects of pregnancy are emerging –and not just in extreme um, grouchiness. I am sportin’ some MAJOR fatigue, and this is PUSH THROUGH THE PAIN week at our house. Lance and I have a list of different chores that we’re trying to work through during the week in terms of packing/ cleaning, etc. Yesterday I fell short as after packing a few “décor” boxes from the living room, making spaghetti & artichokes, and taking the girls to Connor’s (darling little boy who lives by my mom) birthday party, I looked at the house and couldn’t do any more. It’s not like me to leave a disaster –and when they say that your home is a reflection of your mind, it’s VERY TRUE! The disorganization that comes with boxes everywhere and the lack of the “homey” feeling that comes when I have things put together makes me crazy!
I hate moving!
Today I’m going through the girl’s toys and will be discarding everything that doesn’t have a real “home”. I feel kinda bad, but since Lance and myself are the main source of kid entertainment in our home, and most toys don’t get touched anyway, I really don’t feel that bad. ….And the fact that I have tossed many an obscure trash bag o’ toys in the past, letting go has never been difficult for me. Sorry girls. I love Charlie Brown too, but he’s not making the keeper list this go-round.