I hope

I hope
I hope that my girls get a firm sense of love their whole lives from both of their parents.
I hope that I can someday call the worst time in my life “in the past”.
I hope that I will strongly stand on two feet and take care of my girls, regardless of whether or not there is support from their dad.
I hope my girls forgive me for my mistakes.
I hope that I don’t wear the patience of my family who supports me, and my friends who listen to me.
I hope that there is life after this numbness.
I hope that beyond what I can see is something beautiful and worth fighting for.

The Pumpkin Walk

On Saturday we decided we needed to get out of the house. I took the girls to the Pumpkin Walk in North Logan. We had a nice time getting out, however, the walk was rather uneventfull...

Here are Ella and Mia enjoying a little snack.

Ella particularly enjoyed the many photo-ops. This was my favorite!
There's me watching the girls play.

M'Girls

The leaves are coming down! It's the most irresistible thing to Ella -she is constantly asking to make leaf piles and to be buried in the leaves. We had fun chillin' outside yesterday and enjoying the delights of autumn.

Untitled

Autumn used to be my most favorite time of year. I’ve always been a huge fan of the crisp weather, the warmer clothes, the leaves, and the anticipation of the holidays ahead. I’m a Christmas junkie, but for reasons quite obvious, I can’t get into it this year. The other day I was talking to my mom about my “state of being” which includes a standard get-through-the-day mentality. I step back only on rare occasion to take assessment of how I’m doing as a mother, sister, daughter and friend, and don’t feel too snazzy about any of them. I’ve dropped the A-Game, so-to-speak on giving of myself. I don’t feel anyone is suffering because of it, but the focus needs to be redirected on my girls. I can’t imagine having been attached to Lance even one more day and trying to go through any of this. He said the other day that everything has gone too far –and I could only agree. There isn’t any going back, however, the healing process is often beyond what my heart can hold. My girls don’t see much (if any) of the sadness anymore, but at random and unexplainable moments, the tears fall and my heart bursts with overwhelming loss.

A Sneak Peak For Rach!

Rach, Lily's Halloween costume is coming right along!!! :D

My Eye!

Oh Mia. As I went in for a kiss yesterday, Mia managed to poke my right eye with her little fingernail and cut it! OUCH! I have eye-drop antibiotics, which are NO BUENO. If I turn my eyes to look at something too fast it hurts. It feels like something is in my eye that I can't get out -and it hurts to blink. Babies are dangerous!

Fantastic Family Weekend

Well, the weekend started with just hearing that my sister Rachael was going to come up with her little fam-dam-bly. It turned out to be a full-on Nolan Family Affair! It was fabulous that everyone was able to make it to Logan. We have SO MANY gatherings throughout the year, this one just happened because we're conditioned and need eachother... :) Above, Mary and Sarah.
Rachael in the fore-ground, with Maryand Benny-babes behind.
The lovely Lily, with her hair all in her grill. :)
My beautiful Ella -note the spooge on her mouth.
Such a little doll.
...And a ham.

Here's Milly Kisses -going to town with a spoon! Babies LOVE spoons!
Her hair is starting to get long -need to give her her first trim!
Me in black and white :)
Me in Sepia!

We played some cards -and I have no shame, I KICKED TRASH AND HANDED SOME FOLKS THEIR BUTTS. This is Dave, frazzled and overwhelmed with my genius.Me, content at the helm of the "Mormon Bridge" empire.
BEST PICTURE IN SHOW. Lexie, getting "slap happy".
Here's Lexie redeeming her awkwardness with a fabulous photo.I got some GREAT time with baby Tessa! -SUCH a little love, nearly a month old.
It was awesome to see everyone. I have the best family -and they're each such incredible people. Love you guys!

In His Place

It seems like I have little to say –and that’s probably because I have so much to say. Peace and normalcy are so removed from me. I can’t explain the devastation and loss of a being that doesn’t exist anymore –but who still exists. In his place; threats, condescension, and anger.

Which Twilight Chick Am I??

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Halloween Is Going To Suck This Year!