Bracelets

Sarah took this shot, and it's much better than the one I had... Mine is the veiny hand with the wedding rings showing. Nice work, butch.

Ups and Downs

From this...

To THIS. ...Joys of motherhood, folks. Kids are so darn entertaining!

Just Because

My sweetheart surprised me with these gorgeous roses and a delightful donut yesterday morning. ...Does it get any better? Thank you so much, baby.

(Ella wanted to jump in to the shot! ...Teach 'em to love the flowers young!)

4-Fer Summer Birthday Bash!

Yesterday the family gathered in SLC in honor of the birthdays of four amazing women.
First we have Granny. Some of the kiddos have been good about calling her "Great Granny" now, but she's always "Granny" to me. My mom is "Nanny" to my kids, so it works. Granny is such a special part of our family. She has been very involved and an important piece of every birthday and holiday and get-together as far back as I can remember. Her role in my up-bringing is so significant -it's the kind of role I would hope to have with my children's children. I want them to know and love me the way I do her. Thank you Granny for giving us another wonderful year of your ever-present love.

The next birthday is Mom. Mom is indescribable when it comes to the role she actually plays in my life. …She’s pretty much my guardian angel -and has been for an incredibly long time. I can’t even fake my independence from her. I love that she’s so available to talk to. She always has an opinion (hmmm, wonder where I get THAT from), but is so careful to try to stay objective. I think mom understands me much better than I even give her credit for. I’m so grateful to her for her example -of education, of dedication and hard work, of limitless love and commitment, and most importantly of individuality. Mom is a free spirit, and I have so much of her in me, it’s really an honor. I love you, Mom.

For her birthday, Mom received (from Rach -good work!) a beautiful bracelet like the ones we all have... Ours say "sisters" and her's says "mother". ...It brought a few tears, as she's now a part of the 'club'. :)

It was Rachael's birthday too!! Rachael has long been among my dearest of dearest friends. Rachael and I have been pretty tight since I moved to SLC back in 1999. She is someone you can’t help but stand back and simply admire. Rachael either totally has it all together, or has everyone fooled really really well. I’m pretty sure it’s the first choice, as she is so black and white about right and wrong -I can’t seen her putting up much of a front. Rachael is my best moral-compass when I need an opinion and feedback. She is the voice of reason for me on a lot of issues -and her opinion is one of the most valuable I can attain. Rachael doesn’t have the first idea about how beautiful she is, as she gives so much of herself and doesn’t embrace the incredible beauty and example of a woman that she really is. …She just IS those things. Rachael is selfless and loving. She’s an incredible mom, wife, and friend. I admire so many things about her, I can’t begin to express how much she means to me -it’s an honor to be her sister.

Last and certainly not least is my lovely sister Sarah. Sarah is the ‘single-and-fabulous’ woman that still owns an envious piece of my heart! She has had some great career moves that have brought her back to school now to get her Masters in Social Work at the University of Utah. Sarah has seen a lot in her time as a social worker, and I can’t help but stand back in awe at what it takes to do what she does. I know that I am not built for MANY things, and working with the public (ahem, some of the SERIOUS dregs of society) for the better good is the LAST thing I feel I could have the patience and understanding for. Sarah has a very open, but determined heart. She has shown extraordinary strength and perseverance in accomplishing her goals, and I am nothing but impressed with what she has to show for it. She’s fascinating to talk to, she loves deeply and freely, and she’s an extremely devoted friend.

I wish each of you the happiest of birthdays, and want you to know that I am SO grateful to share your lives with you.

I love you ladies.

Happy 24th!

It's Pioneer Day, folks! The weekend was packed with family fun times, of course! Here we are at the parade! Above is my Mia-Babes.Chaedon hung out with us for the weekend -SUCH a sweetheart.

Mia really had a blast dancing and clapping for all of the floats!

Here's Miss Lynn -helping Ella see us shouting for her to wave! She was pretty in to the taffy that she was throwing and didn't notice us until we'd almost gotten out of her view! Great job on getting a few shots, Lance, I didn't think we'd get her!

I have a sincere appreciation for living in Utah. I love that I wasn't exposed to a lot of what is out there -and am actually grateful for the innocence I grew up with. I believe that it created in me a stronger conviction in what I hold dear. I believe that being amongst so many of the same kind of people can forge an individuality worth fighting for; and a character unique amongst others.

My hope for my girls is that they are as protected as I was... yet develop a beautiful individuality as they find camaraderie with others like themselves.

Grouchy?

I have no reason to be really grouchy.... unless you can actually sympathize with pregnancy. I don't know, man. Men don't get the hormone issues that rage within a body being taken over by another human being. I guess it's not as bad as I've seen grouchiness exist in nameless others, however, for me, I'm so tired of my own volitility! I was looking at our bank account balance a few minutes ago and let some words fly that shouldn't be audible by ears inside OR outside my body. Life moves forward and you take good with bad -I just wish that the bad didn't piss me off so much...

:)

Ella On Parade

This Friday is Pioneer Day. There is a fun little parade here in Logan that goes down center street and 5th west. Ella will be in it! Her darling little preschool "The Learning Train" will feature the students, and we're going!

*This is an open invite to all family/ friends who want something fun to do on Friday! Call me!*

Christian and "the list"...

Okay Okay Okay! So this pregnancy has me all in a tizzy over good-looking men. I'm SORRY. Rachael had observed lately that I seemed to refer to these scrumpy delights more often than normal, and I have to admit, it's true.
YES, I normally have my 'Lance-Blinders' on, and I still do see him as the sexiest touch-able man EVER. *LOVE you, babe!* However, "the list" still exists in my frenzied head.

...You all know "the list" of which I speak, and I don't feel it bears any explanation. Lance and I were watching "The Dark Night" this afternoon, and I couldn't help myself but to oogle at Christian (whom I have been pretty faithful to since his "Newsies" days) and appreciate the finer aspects of the incredible physical specimen that he is. Scrumpy scrumpy scrumpy.

Lance is awesome.
Thanks for putting up with my pregnant craziness. :D

I MISS IT!!!

This, my friends, is the BEST PERFUME EVER!!! I smelled it again on Sawa-Butch last time I was hanging out with my sisters and the sadness overwhelmed me again...

See, I'm out.

I have been through 2 bottles of this little gem of a scent, and have loved every sexy-smelling minute of every day that I wore it. ...A spritz of fabulousness every day... My heart is broken. I've been out for at least a month, and though I can ROCK CK's Obsession (not many can, and I don't recommend you try without some honest noses around to verify) and still have some left, it's not working for me right now with my highly sensitive pregnant olfactory senses.

:( I need a visit from the perfume gods. Juicy Couture, will we ever meet again?

Tonsils, Adenoids, and Ear Tubes, OH MY!

(Due to camera issues, I only have the pictures from Ella this afternoon post-surgery. We’d taken some at the hospital, but they’re stuck on my camera’s memory and my USB cord that should be the right cord magically doesn’t fit the camera anymore. Good times. At least we have the darned memory card!)So we learned about Ella's situation with her ears and tonsils at her well-child check-up for kindergarten about a month ago... Ella has always suffered with headaches, which may or may not be related, but she also suffers from debilitating dizzy spells, which can result in vomiting and ultimate extra sleep needed to get back to “normal”. Ella has been a pretty bad snorer over the last year or so and goes red very easily when she plays… It’s all related to her MASSIVE tonsils that she has. Bless her heart, she’s had ear issues as well, that go back to a very very young age. We had tubes put in her ears that we had thought eradicated the problem. She hadn’t had any ear infections that put her totally out like they did before the tubes, but her breathing problems is what stemmed the new questions. Ella doesn’t get enough oxygen. She has been suffering with this ear/throat issue for a long time without complaint.
Today she went under the knife. Lance, Mia, Ella, and I all headed to the hospital this morning at 7:15 AM for Ella’s surgery. She had her tonsils and adenoids removed. Apparently there was a lymphoid on the back of her throat that had to be removed as well. The doctor told us that her ears were a mess, and they drained a lot of guck and fluid out and put new tubes in her ears. We have lots o’ meds now, and a child on the mend!Ella seems to have quite the interesting reaction to her pain medication… She has been stir-crazy and bouncing off the walls since we got home. She was so sweet and confused after the anesthesia, but by the time we were home, miss gabby-gums was non-stop and itchy to get out and get back to the business of life. She drove me nuts.
This afternoon my mom came to visit -and diverted her attention a bit… Lance’s mom and sister came to visit as well -and brought a fun Leapster-pen dealio for her to play with. THANK YOU GUYS!! Everyone expected a lethargic and sad little love sleeping on the couch, but not my die-hard! Heaven help us this next few days -I am supposed to keep her away from other kids while her little body fights infections… She’s her own worst enemy in this case! I’ll keep y’all updated.

Uncomfortable

Well, she's all up in my ribs, and my posture is much better than it has been in the last 19 months. I went to see my wonderful doctor today. I have a total net weight gain of 2 lbs during this pregnancy (I'll take it!) and having measured exactly right on last time at 29 weeks, this time I measured 34 weeks. WHAT THE HECK??!

I swear I have felt her grow like a weed, so we're monitoring that situation. Last visit I had also had protein in my urine, but that's not the case now, so all is well. When I got to the doctor's office I had a sugar crash and got the shakes and sweats. So fun! I'm kinda getting how to control all of that, but at the same time, it's SO unpredictable. Lance thinks I'm insane (as is the definition, you know) because I keep going back to cereal; which probably 75% of the time makes me wish I were dead for about 20 minutes after eating it. ...I love my Cheerios, though! Somehow it keeps getting justified that maybe it's that rare quarter percentage this time that I can maintain some normalcy and just go about my day... : /

I am more mooooody and sensitive than I remember ever having been in my previous two pregnancies. I wonder if it's partially because of the standard between Lance and myself. I worked much harder back then to be much more of what I thought Lance wanted me to be (at a high mental price) but doing that kept a lot in check... Somehow things are different right now. I know that my comfort level with Lance is different and I can be slightly more indulgent in what-I-feel-right-now, but that's not a really good thing... Also, I think that because I am mostly sure that this is my LAST bambino, it's all much more powerful. Sorry hunny!

I have a lot of physical pain that women who have carried LOW can hopefully relate to... I was moving through Walmart in sloooooooooow-mooooooooo today and felt a bit grandma-esque. Hopefully the obvious bump in front of me is enough of a visual excuse to avoid any potential commentary or major judgment.

Life moves forward and the pregnancy gets ever further along. Soon my focus will change from my misery below my ribs and million and one trips to the bathroom every night to the joy that accompanies caring for the newest, sweetest and most pure pieces of Heaven possible. ...That's what makes all of this worth it.

I am so in love with my children, bless their hearts, I'll NEVER forget the misery that accompanied bringing them here, but I wouldn't change a thing. ...Can't wait to meet you, baby.

:)

Quote of the day

Ella (randomly, from inside the bathtub): MOMMY, MILEY CYRUS!

Me: What?

Ella: MILEY CYRUS!

Me: What are you talking about Ella?

Ella: MILEY CYRUS IS THE EVOLVED FORM OF HANNAH MONTANA. Very wise, that Ella. Very wise.

4th of July Weekend!

There was just SOOO much going on during the weekend, I can't keep all the pictures and events in order. We had some great family time! Lance is missing from all of these pictures -he worked the full weekend. :( Above, we have my darling Ella swinging at Merlin Olsen Park.

Mia made it to the park too. These darn shoes have been driving me NUTS! See the strap that's not connected? Yeah, I think they've seen their last day. Too bad such little of her wardrobe matches the pink shoes I bought her. ...I need to find my stinkin' box o' ex-Ella shoes... There's a project for next week!

THE FARMER'S MARKET!! Where the heck were YOU, Steph?? It was a smaller market on the 4th, and a MUCH bigger crowd. Go figure! We love going and supporting local business, though. I'm sure there will be many more farmer's market pictures from this summer. :)

We went to the Hyrum parade. How cute are Ella and Lily here? HOLY CANDY! If you're looking for a great place for the kiddos to collect some serious taffy, this is the parade to go to!

We got some swimming in! Mia is my little fish!
Fun times with me and Lex -and a corner of Noah. :)

We have picked up a tradition of yard-sitting, where kiddos can run around, and we all get to chit-chat all we want! Here's Sarah-Butch. She's such a doll.

Time for sprinkler running too!

The 4th of July 'do! We battled the bow a little bit because I should have gotten it with a different kind of clip, but that's okay. I worked with a girl who's daughter owns the site: babytrendz.com -which is AMAZING! I totally recommend it.

This is a shot of me at the parade. Holy CATS, did I get sunburned! It was over-cast, which is so sneaky! I was the only one who fried, but I should really expect that considering my ridiculously pale skin.

We went to the Boy-Scout breakfast on the morning of the 4th, where Nanny had a great time playing with grandkids. They're all over her.

We made it to the home-fireworks show... Lance's family did one that I didn't make it to the night of the 3rd. He got to hang out with his family for an hour or so that evening before he went to work. Ella spent the night there and got to see the USU show from my in-law's yard, then par-tay with Grandma, Grandpa, and Chazzy-bear... I think I have pictures of that tradition in my 4th o' July blog from last year. Ella had a great time.

On Sunday we went to Rachael's USU Alumni Band Concert at the Quad on campus. It was fabulous. We all hung out -it was cool and shady. The band played a lot of traditional marches, and my kiddos were actually very well behaved! Here's Rach during her shining moment... She plays the french horn. Aaah memories. I played the french horn in band through 11th grade. If I had any brainz in mi cabeza I would have kept it going and gotten a scholarship. Band ROCKS!

I took these shots of the girls at the concert. How cute is my Mia? She & Ella got Lance's lashes... GORGEOUS.

Here's Lala! This girl so stinkin' tan. I'm grateful that both girls seem to have Lance's skin (speaking of Lance's body parts). I just burn then freckel. ...Is that how you spell freckel?

Here's Granny (mom's mom)! This is where the fabulousness begins.

My adorable mom! I LOVE YOU!

I had two poignant moments that brought the traditional patriotic tears to my eyes. The first was at the Hyrum City parade -when first the military passed, then the American Flag. I can't help but get choked up with sincerest pride and gratitude for being an American citizen. How blessed am I? The second time was during Rachael's concert. They go through the different military songs and have those who served in each branch of the military stand during their song. It's so incredibly inspiring and humbling to see these people who have served our country in such a life-altering capacity.

"And I'm proud to be an American, where at least I know I'm free. And I won't forget the men who died who gave that right to me, and I'll proudly stand up next to you and defend her still today. 'Cause there 'aint no doubt I love this land; God bless the USA."

Turn the page...

There has been so much to consider with this huge decision and shift in my life. Today was my last day of working in an actual titled office job. I am only ‘changing positions’ so to speak, as the work certainly doesn’t diminish -taking care of my two girls and being all kinds o’ pregnant -soon to be 3 girls to care for on a 24/7 basis. I can’t complain, it IS my choice, and I wouldn’t have it any other way. As I left the office today, it only felt right to close this chapter and embrace the next. There are a thousand fears that accompany the decision -and it’s going to be approached day-to-day; the only way I can, as I have no organized plan set up (which makes me crazy). I don’t know what to expect -from myself. I view this new life as one where I have little justification for impatience and frustration -however- I feel as volatile, vulnerable, and irritable as I have ever been in my life.
If we can make it through these next two months -and assuming the Lord blesses me with an even temperament after the baby is born, then facing the next five years and what they’ll bring will be all the more embraceable.
I want this. Really.

Dad

Dear Dad-
I owe a lot to you, and missing your birthday isn’t a great place to start. You gave me so many dear gifts, I can’t begin to explain them to you. What breaks my heart is that somewhere I feel like you feel like you failed with me. I’m the only kid without a degree, true. I haven’t been consistently active with church since I was eighteen. I’m no virtuous mothering example, and say words like “crap” really often. :)
Dad, you have always held a very high standard for us. For the longest time, I resented it and felt like it would never be something that I could attain. Time changes people. At this stage of the game, I have sincerely given up trying to be what I think you think I should be, and it has been liberating. …Not because I don’t care, but because I see what you wanted for me was different all along. The standard you held me to and expected of me was only for my benefit -not for my comparison against 5 brilliant other children, and not for what translated into a degraded self-esteem for years. It really was because you knew what I was capable of -and there’s something so beautiful about that to me.
Dad, I want you to know that I haven’t given up “meeting” that standard, but I will tell you , it will be for ME that I get there… And when I do, I know that what will make me feel like I accomplished it, is what you truly want for me.
I do celebrate you Dad. You’re an absolutely fascinating and complicated and strong and good person. I am grateful for your flaws. I am grateful for your immeasurable strength. Happy birthday, and please know that I love you beyond what words can express.

Your daughter,

Rebecca