OUR new house!

Well, through the grace of God, it looks like the house is going to be ours. The miracle within every aspect of this has been so obvious, it's absolutely undeniable. I took a few pictures while we were visiting with the owners. Here is the kitchen.

This is the other side of the kitchen -the windows have a ton of old-school character.

There's the master bedroom and bathroom.

One corner of the living room.

Another corner of the living room.
Living room, with the front door. We think we'll either stain it with a nice mohagany or possibly go red!Living room -lots of character with cubbies in the wall. Love it!

Heading downstairs.This will be the girls room -hard to get a picture that showed much, but trust me, it will be cute. I'll post pictures after we're all moved in and y'all can see how cute it all turns out! :)
The back yard. I love this home!!

LAVA

Lance and I took off for an amazing weekend in Lava Hot Springs on Saturday. We walked around and shopped and talked. We had delightful coffee at this little shop. Here's a picture of the two of us together. This weekend Lance got me the most esquisite set of pearls -the necklace, and a matching bracelet. You can't see them too well, but they're now my favorite piece of jewelry (that's saying something since I'm a jewelry junkie).
All ready to go out!

Me and Adrienne!

The lovely Karen! I thought this picture turned out so well! She looks beautiful.

Here's the two of us together. I'll tell ya, we had a fantastic time. We were there on our own, doing our own thing, but met up with friends as well. It's the best way to do stuff! We had just a fantastic weekend get-away, and importantly, Lance and I grew even closer together. I'm floating on cloud nine right now.

A house?

Crazy times. We have some friends from Mom's ward who are a few blocks away who are selling their house. They have had realtors after them like CRAZY trying to sell it for them, but they have stuck it out knowing someone could get a better deal buying directly from them... They had prayed about the situation, and decided that if they don't get what they need by Monday at noon, they'll had it over to the realtor. Now Mom and I were talking about how perfect this opportunity is for Lance and I to move -since my stuff is already packed and they just raised the rent at his home. We called them to see their asking price -not 15 minutes after they prayed about it!

We don't know about the financing situation -and possibly we'll have a deal to rent it from them until we can go through the approval process. They're out December 1st, and we'd be able to move right in.

What a blessing -keep us in your thoughts, eh? I'll post a picture of the home later if it's looking like a reality... :)

This Wall

Over the last few days, I have had a redirected focus. I guess you could say that I was heading down a chaotic path of uncertainty -holding together what I could, but planning on a future of being a single mother. This has changed. The path is still unknown, however, it's completely different. It's reserved, terrified, yet, undeniably the road I need to travel. I love Lance. He's my heart and soul. He's absolutely irreplaceable -as the father of my children, as the love of my life. He's been seeing the same, through the hurt that he's experienced as well. There is no guarantee that this road won't end in further heartache. There is only the double-edged sword of sweet/cruel hope that we can put these broken pieces back together and make our family whole.

Lance, I know you have a long way to go. I know you're taking steps to fix some of what has gone wrong. I know you have had a change of heart and recognize the irreplaceable value of having me to love. Words are one thing, actions, quite another. So far, you are beginning to break down this wall.

Happy Halloween!

I took the girls Trick-Or-Treating at work. It was good times. Mia was SO tired, this is the only shot I got of her! :( She was a lady-bug. I love the foot propped on the tray! Ella was a pirate. We didn't bother putting facial hair on her -she'd had that earlier for her pre-school party. She was a pretty pirate! AARGH!
*That's my senior team lead in the back -Trent. Funny guy! Here's my boss Jessica -she was a cow-girl. Can you imagine sitting next to this woman everyday? Not good for your self-esteem! ...She's one of the prettiest girls I know. To my other side was Uncle Fester (my quiet buddy Shane who giggles at us girls without adding much opinion)!!! I LOVE The Addams Family -in fact, here's a little known fact: Addams Family Values is one of my favorite flicks! I should have been Debbie Jellinsky from the agency! "Don't I deserve love.....and jewelry????"

I went out with my girls for the evening! Above is my dear friend Jami-Loo, beggint me not to snap the shot!m She has the best hair ever.

Here's my ever-fabulous BFF Erin. She was a school-girl with a hint o' naughtiness.

I was a wench. Ha! Happy Halloween folks!

Fits

Ella cracked me up yesterday. She threw up her hands and started wailing in a fit over something my mom had denied her, and I took her to the couch. We sat down, and I told her that I wasn’t going to listen to any of her fits today –she looked at me with big tears in her eyes and said “But this is only my first fit!” Heh heh.

I hope

I hope
I hope that my girls get a firm sense of love their whole lives from both of their parents.
I hope that I can someday call the worst time in my life “in the past”.
I hope that I will strongly stand on two feet and take care of my girls, regardless of whether or not there is support from their dad.
I hope my girls forgive me for my mistakes.
I hope that I don’t wear the patience of my family who supports me, and my friends who listen to me.
I hope that there is life after this numbness.
I hope that beyond what I can see is something beautiful and worth fighting for.

The Pumpkin Walk

On Saturday we decided we needed to get out of the house. I took the girls to the Pumpkin Walk in North Logan. We had a nice time getting out, however, the walk was rather uneventfull...

Here are Ella and Mia enjoying a little snack.

Ella particularly enjoyed the many photo-ops. This was my favorite!
There's me watching the girls play.

M'Girls

The leaves are coming down! It's the most irresistible thing to Ella -she is constantly asking to make leaf piles and to be buried in the leaves. We had fun chillin' outside yesterday and enjoying the delights of autumn.

Untitled

Autumn used to be my most favorite time of year. I’ve always been a huge fan of the crisp weather, the warmer clothes, the leaves, and the anticipation of the holidays ahead. I’m a Christmas junkie, but for reasons quite obvious, I can’t get into it this year. The other day I was talking to my mom about my “state of being” which includes a standard get-through-the-day mentality. I step back only on rare occasion to take assessment of how I’m doing as a mother, sister, daughter and friend, and don’t feel too snazzy about any of them. I’ve dropped the A-Game, so-to-speak on giving of myself. I don’t feel anyone is suffering because of it, but the focus needs to be redirected on my girls. I can’t imagine having been attached to Lance even one more day and trying to go through any of this. He said the other day that everything has gone too far –and I could only agree. There isn’t any going back, however, the healing process is often beyond what my heart can hold. My girls don’t see much (if any) of the sadness anymore, but at random and unexplainable moments, the tears fall and my heart bursts with overwhelming loss.