today

today is a hard day.
the anniversary of my brother's death is on September 30th, and the sorrow is creeping up on me like a freaking python.

Le Tag!

My sister Mary tagged me to fill out some awesome questions -who doesn't want to get to know me better, riiiiiiiiight????

1-What would be your ideal vacation?
If I could go anywhere on vacation, it would be Italy. I would love to really embrace the romance and beauty of the culture and landscape. ...And I would shop shop shop!

2-If you could have any paid career (with or without having to go through years of school to do it), what would it be?
I would do hair and makeup for the stars- maybe a soap opera... One of my favorite things to do is really make things beautiful, and this would be a lucrative way to fulfill my passion!

3-What is your favorite song of all time?
Most people know that "The Boxer" by Simon and Garfunkel is my favorite song of all time --it's just so beautiful and intense.

4-What did you do on your very first date?
This is NOT a pleasant story! The boy had been waiting to take me out -and once I turned 16 he pounced! He wasn't quite right upstairs, and the entire experience was off-the-chart uncomfortable! Yeeeeaaaah, his Dad drove for the date.

5-If you could have one free plastic surgery procedure, would you do it? What would you change?
Free???? HECK YEAH! BOOBS!

6-What is your favorite guilty pleasure?
Well, it used to be "The Hills" -but every time I watched it, I felt like I should go round-brush my hair... Now it's Lady Gaga. :)

7-What is your favorite day of the year?
CHRISTMAS!!! It's SO beautiful from the inside out. The celebration of Christ and the spirit of giving is so incredible and important. The surprises and gestures between family members are precious. I love the preparation, the anticipation, the cooking, the decorating, the music.... I could go on and on.

8-What did you do to celebrate the turn of the millennium (New Year's Eve, partying like it was 1999)?
Oh man. That was a ROUGH time. I was married to my ex-husband Andrew and his Mom had died on that Christmas Day. We were in Bala Cynwyd, PA sitting shiva over her death (a Jewish tradition) as the millennium changed. We had considered cruising into NYC for the big to-do, but it didn't happen. Not much partying that holiday. : /
...Rest In Peace, Naomi.

I'm not specifically tagging anyone, but YOU should do it, my friendly readers!

Torn

Ever had that horrible human moment when you say something you absolutely don't mean in complete deflection of what you should say to yourself?

Perhaps introspection at this juncture isn't the best idea. I have had more mirrors held to me in the last little while than I should have in a freakin' lifetime. It's all because of MY OWN DOING too. Maybe blogging birthdays and outings should be the point of "Becca and her peeps". However, I do know that someone who has the inclination to read my thoughts and see pictures of my life would have to love me in one way or another... So maybe it's okay to speak about myself from a personal point of view. Torn. This is a public forum. I have SO FAR to go to even pretend to resemble the woman I should be. ...And that's not even a perfect ideal! What's "perfect" is so far out of my line of sight it's frightening. I'm trying to keep up with a base-line of "would I be my friend?"....

Not answering that right now. ...But for the friends I have, I thank you. I love you. I need you.

Happy Birthday Tessa-Roo!

How the birthdays come and go! Tessa turned 2! Tessie is my sister Rachael's youngest. She is absolutely adorable! If you check out these pictures from the party, you'll see why I put off blogging it for so long! It was incredible -and there are a LOT of pix!

The theme was apples. These are the songs that Rachael sang with the kids on CD to listen to.

Candy and gifts!

Kiddos in the apple-toss game!

Here's Lance and Ella being worms and apples!

We ventured to an apple orchard. Above is Lance pushing Mia during a little down-time.

Bri!

Token self-shot!

The party was complete with carmel apples. Mmmm.

I did a little editing -here's Sabrina.This is my sister Rachael holding Mia the tree while the kids tickled the apples down!

My Mia.

Rachael-

You did such an amazing job with the birthday! Thanks for the day of fun, and thanks for beautiful Tessa (oh, thanks to Seuao too) in our lives! Happy birthday cutie-pie!

Happy Birthday Chaedon!

M'boy is 14!! September 16th is Chaedon's birthday. He has become such an amazing young man. Chaedon is his three sister's hero- he loves be with them. I can't explain or put into words how much I love this boy.
In the beginning it was very difficult for both of us to make the adjustment that I'd be married to his dad and that we had children who Chaedon didn't live with. Blended families are always hard... There were some rocky times, but over the years I have come to really get to know him. Chaedon loves very deeply. He is thoughtful and kind. He teases Ella relentlessly (but it builds character -right? :D). He is extremely talented in sports -football in particular. Chaedon is hilarious to talk to -makes me laugh all the time.
I am incredibly grateful that I get to be a part of this boy's life. Thank you Lance for the privilege -and thank you Tiffany (Chaedon's mom) for all you have done in raising such a wonderful young man. Happy birthday sweetheart.

Happy Birthday Mr. Noah!

Here's ME on the drive to Layton! :D HOORAY for photo editing! Anywho, on Saturday we headed to Layton for Mr. Noah's (my bro. Dave's boy) 3rd birthday party!

Ella and Mia were super stoked to go. You can see Mia's wink -which means she's anticipating an excellently organized and child-friendly event -as always (someone else planned this).

Lance went too!

The theme was Thomas The Train -and it was intense! Lexie did an absolutely fabulous job with the games and the deco and everything in between...

Here's Brina reaching for my camera!

Here's the table, and that's the birthday boy on the left with the shaggy beach-blond hair! ...That's Granny in the back with her sunglasses.

Noah and cake!

All the boys found their space one way or another... Lance didn't get off so easy.

:)Typical Nolan party pinata! They're so fun! Here's Mia up to bat with Ella behind her.

Lil' tears after the turn ended.

We gave Noah a cute little skate-boarder dude toy thingie. Good luck with that, Lexie!

At the end of the party, the REAL present -LIFE SIZE THOMAS was the biggest hit with every kid there! What a party! Noah is absolutely precious -he's getting so mature (not so big!) and is so stinkin' smart! We had a great time. Happy Birthday, Noah!

Introspection

There hasn't been much in a long time. Perhaps I am avoiding spilling what's making me tick, or perhaps finding time to sit at a computer without interruptions is a thing of the past... Regardless, I feel that the substance within this blog is waning.
So here goes:
I am a work in progress. I am an extraordinarily flawed individual. I am working on it, and for those whom I have hurt, my personal regret is amplified. The choices I have made throughout my life are inconsistent at best. My foundation was firm, yet flawed -leaving me in a state of self-worth questioning. The battle to find myself and firmly stand for what I believe in is ever on-going, and sometimes grows weak. My human flaws can eclipse the "incredible" woman I want to be -the woman I mean to be.
...But I have hope...

River Walk x2

I've been a few times to River Walk lately and wanted to post some cute photos! Here's my Mia-babes!

Mia trying to steal Sabrina's treats!

Token self-shot!

Me and Melanie!

Mia was "helpful" holding Mel's dog Simon's leash!

Sabrina would have loved to help too!

Scenery. I LOVE this place.

My sweet Bri!

Boating!

Sunday was AWESOME! We went with Debbie and Donny (Lance's parents) to Hyrum Dam and played in the water! Above is the craziness --just at Walgreens!

Chaedon and Milly-Kisses!

Token-self-shot!

More craziness at Walgreens.

...And more.

YAY! A boat picture! We loaded up and as soon as Ella got on, she changed her mind and was determined to get off again... We made her stick it out, and she came around when the ride was over! Donny scared the be-jeebes out of her with the previous water-weenie ride!

OKAY! Donny scared the be-jeebes out of me too last time! I didn't even bother with water-friendly clothing. I really am still freaked out to get back in! So here's Lance and Chaedon on the tube.

Lance after the ride. ...The tube was "brutal" and smacked their feet, their faces, and other manly parts that made it rather unpleasant...

M'boyz!

Later, Chaedon rode a few different toys by himself.

Mia was my little trooper! She rode and enjoyed herself thoroughly -without saying a word!

There's a happier Ella!

Me all wind-blown on the boat! GOOD TIMES!

Thank you Donny and Debbie! It was a blast! :D