Sunday, September 30, 2012

10 years.

10 years ago about this time in the evening, I sat in a small circle with my family in Logan, Utah, grieving the loss of a most amazing brother. 

John Patrick Nolan will be forever missed.  Tonight my family again gathered in a circle to share and remember this man.  We had children making noise -but the spirit in that room was quiet.  Peaceful.

Love is what John preached.  I think that his sense of compassion and humanity continues to affect lives --mine in particular.  I want to be like him.  I want to have those who know me, see me as I saw John: humble, loving, gracious, compassionate.

Sometimes I still do talk to him.  Sometimes as I wash my face, or kiss my babies I silently cry, feeling his presence and his concern.  I know there have been moments of my life -since his passing- where he was there with me.  ...Crying with me.  ...Laughing with me.

I want to take this moment to tell my family that they're everything to me.  I can't imagine my life without their love, their (undeserved) support, their compassion, and understanding.  I live within the legacy that John left: a family who will stand together, and never pass the opportunity to tell each they're loved.

"And I will stand fast in the liberty in which God has made me free.  He is first and last, who was and is, through all eternity.  And His foundation will not fail or give.  I will look to Him and live.  I will look to Him and live."
--David B. Nolan
--Excerp from a song he recorded in WA, the day John died.  ...Before he knew.

Yes, there's a hole in my heart.  A real one.  I see a cardiologist on October 9th, because it's not just a hole, but regurgitation in two valves...