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Wednesday, June 10, 2009

Resignation

The struggle with figuring out my scheduling/ health/ work/ marriage/ child care dilemma is over. I have taken the ever-scary step of tendering my resignation with my job.

My last day will be July 10th. Lance and I have been in discussions over this issue for months now, and he’s actually VERY excited for what it will all mean for our family. The way it works right now, I wake up around 4:45AM and am ready by 6:00AM (time negotiable based on hair-style) for Lance to get off work and come home. At this point I cruise in to work. I work from 6:30ish to 12:30ish (part-time). When I get home, my little family has a few precious moments together (MUCH more than when I finished at 3:00PM with the fly-by hi-by) before Lance goes to bed and I’m on my own with the kiddos for the night. Going forward, Lance will be able to come home from work and actually go to bed instead of being responsible for two (soon to be 3) little loves (i.e. getting Ella to/ from school, chasing toddler & busy-body Mia, and wrangling a new-born) for six hours before I come home again. He’ll be awake by late afternoon, and we’ll have all evening (he starts work at 10) together as a family. This means SO much to us as a family –and more importantly, as a couple.

There have been a few contributing factors that brought me to the decision to quit my job. First, there are no benefits that I’m using from my company –and it doesn’t even offer short-term disability or maternity leave, which means I’d contribute no income after baby anyway. Second, I am starting to become less reliable as my headaches and health continue to play a huge role in whether or not I can actually make it in to work for the day. On this note, I want to be SURE that I leave in good standing with the company so that -should the need arise- I could come back. Third, Lance’s job is about to pick up even more –and he will be working up to 7-days a week. This makes it VERY difficult for his sleeping schedule, as well as child-care if he’s scheduled a double. This problem would be eliminated and he’d be much better rested and able to work what he needs to (quickly making up my paycheck with his extra time available as well). Fourth, I’d be facing time off for the baby, then for my hysterectomy (hopefully soon thereafter –story for a different day), and we’d also be facing a scheduling conflict because Ella goes to kindergarten in the fall. This would all require time off as well as serious schedule adjustments for us to work out if I continued working. Fifth –and MOST important- I can’t imagine regretting the extra time and attention I would be able to give my children. Lance agrees from his perspective as well, as they would get the “first” of his day (waking in the afternoon and spending time with us before work) rather than the tired “end” of his day, which for any parent means more quality. …It’s just the way it is. This also opens the door for Lance to see Ella after school –with his current schedule he wouldn’t be able to see her at all after school, and his time with her would be drastically reduced (which he dreaded the most). So, all signs point to this decision.

The FEAR: There are many. I fear I won’t be the productive and incredible mom I envision I could be. I fear the financial burden all being on Lance’s shoulders could be too much and that he could resent me in the end for having to carry it. I fear that without the social interaction and skill-upkeep that I get daily from my separate work identity that I could lose a piece of myself that I need to keep alive and active for future employment (kids won’t be home with me forever –they go to SCHOOL!). Lance and I have a contingency plan, as I am going to be investigating school options for myself. I don’t see myself getting a degree (unlike EVERY OTHER MEMBER OF MY IMMEDIATE FAMILY), but I would love to certify as a paralegal or something similar with a marketable skill set to add to what I have already. …I’m an excellent employee. :)

My new job is my home. My home has, admittedly, taken a ‘side-car seat’ to work, as I have balanced the two since I had Ella. Not working wasn’t an option (VERY rare in this day and age to survive on one income), so we did what we had to do. Now there is a new focus, and that’s the piece I’m actually VERY excited about. I have plans on how I want to run and organize my home –on how I want to plan and execute fun and educational activities for my girls. I even day-dream about becoming more interested in cooking, but let’s not get ahead of ourselves… I realize that the pregnancy brings with it many physical limitations (most notably fatigue & general PAIN in the nether-region) but I want to put my heart into this decision and embrace the opportunity in front of me. Wish me luck!

11 comments:

Unknown said...

Good job, Beck! Even though I'm going to grad school, I daydream about being a stay-at-home mom one day. I really think you're doing the right thing. :)

Kate said...

Big decision! You sound very "at peace" about it. Congratulations. I'm excited to hear about your new adventures as a full-time mom!

mommynolan said...

I believe your heart is in the right place! Being a stay-at-home Mom is really hard work. Everyone thinks you have this abundance of time you cna contribute to whatever project they have in mind. Stay-at-home Moms are the busiest people I know! Welcome to the world I know best. I'll be here for you! Mom

Anonymous said...

Hooray for you, Becca! It sounds like a wonderful decision. Lance is your MAN and because he is, he will gladly bear the burden of providing financially for his family. That is awesome. You'll be so grateful you made this decision.

Teri said...

I have stayed home with our kids (for the most part) since I quit Convergys when I got pregnant with Brayden. It has been such a blessing to be with them. I'm no June Cleaver or Martha Stewart, but I love being home with them. I remember having a conversation with you at Con. about how you could NEVER be a stay at home mom. I know you are going to be FANTASTIC!! I'm very EXCITED for you!

skipper said...

Good luck! Try not to put too much pressure on yourself, I don't know any stay-at-home moms who accomplish even half of the goals they set for themselves!
Accepting the fact that your kids and home are now your job is an excellent first step.

Unknown said...

I'm so excited for you! I think that the sacrifices you will be making will pale in comparison to the blessings that your family will receive from your being home. I wish that were an option for me.

Jessica said...

I think your making the right decision. Those are some pretty crazy schedules you are trying to stick to now. I will sure miss you though, I'm so glad I got to know you, you have to promise to keep in touch.

matt&meg said...

lucky! :) Good luck!!

Mary said...

I'm so proud of you. I'm glad you are doing what's best for you and your family. Loves!

Anonymous said...

Good luck with your decision! I've found that being a stay at home is busy and requires creativity to keep those little hands and minds engaged (I'm always on the look out in this area!) Your making a tough decision but how awesome it will be to have more time with Lance and your girls. Take care of yourself. :)