Monday, March 2, 2009

Headin' To Draper

This afternoon we're taking a family excursion to Draper, Utah to tour the temple before it's dedicated. I don't talk about religion much, mostly because this is a public forum and it's very very personal to me. I will talk for a moment about why I have faith.
Faith, by definition is a firm belief in something for which there is no proof. The beauty of which, means I have absolutely no need to ever defend it. When my brother John died, something happened in me that was so subtle; it took a long time to understand it. Where I have seen some crash in despair, where I had seen others writhe in agony and utter grief at such a “complete loss” –it was not the case with me. The sadness and pain I felt was not for John’s loss, but for my own. I wouldn’t see him for the rest of my mortal existence, however, it wasn’t forever. As I processed what had happened, and moved through the motions along with my family –none of which was easy- the gratitude for a belief that our lives are not over at mortal death was nothing short of profound.
The missing piece that I figured out so much later was that I truly had NOT questioned anything that I’d already had a testimony of. At that time, I decided that everything else that I’d questioned or “taken issue with” with regard to my faith didn’t matter. The very fundamentals were what could have been called into question –but they weren’t. This means to me, that the details aren’t as important as I thought they were, and consequently, I accept it all. This is not because it’s easier or because I gave up searching –it’s because the beauty of faith was revealed; that if I already knew John lived and I will see him again, then I take on faith with as much conviction that the rest of the teachings of the Church Of Jesus Christ Of Latter Day Saints is true too.


mommynolan said...

I love you.n And I too have faith in you.

Unknown said...

Beautifully said. I think all our family resembles your sentiments.

Anonymous said...

Hi, Becca. I'm Rachael's friend, Nicole. Hope this isn't too weird that I'm commenting. I've followed your blog for a little while...I really love your posts!! Can I just tell you that impressed me--what you said about your testimony when your brother died. It makes me hope I'd be the same way if someone close to me died. It's pretty amazing. Thanks for sharing. :)

Ashlee said...

Thanks for this Becca. Sometimes sharing personal things in a public forum is difficult, but I'm glad you did. When I read things like this I grow as a person. I wish we still worked together and we could have a chat about this post specifically. Miss you :)