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Wednesday, January 7, 2009

...last night...

Last night I had one of those parenting moments that made me absolutely heartsick. Ella was whiny about going to bed, and I was a bit reactive to it. I’d sent her down to her room after I heard Mia crying in her bed so that I could make Mia a bottle first. I got down to the girl’s room, picked Mia up, and tried to rock her to sleep. Ella stayed very quiet, but I noticed that she was crying. She looked at me with such a sad face. I put Mia down after a moment and came over to Ella who said “you’re being nice to Mia and not nice to me”. I started to cry. I told Ella how sorry I was and that I would work on MY attitude when she goes to bed too. I told her that being her mommy is the best thing that ever happened to me, and that I loved her so much it makes me cry sometimes.
Bless her heart. I don’t mean to be unfair to either of my girls at any time. This would have felt pretty crappy if I were in her place, and when she said that, it broke my heart. Ella, you are you baby, and I love you more than you’ll ever know.
When I left the room I sat down on the stairs and said a prayer. I know I’m so unworthy to be the mom to these two angels –and why God trusts me with them, I’ll never know. I’m sure grateful that He does, though.

4 comments:

Anonymous said...

So sweet!! I love the pictures of your two beautiful girls. I'm so happy that life is better for you! You were in my thoughts and prayers although I was a horrible friend who never wrote. Thank you for sharing your blog with me.

Unknown said...

Why God trusts any of us with his precious children, I will never know! I think it may be that he trusts the little ones to care for us some of the time and that is just part of the plan.....Ella and Mia are so blessed to have you for a mom, you are an amazing woman!

Colette and The Chickenwings said...

Ohhh! I feel this way everyday...really I have to remember that there is a reason I have them and they have me...and my little hiccups and inadequacies, well they're not always perfect either so don't be too hard on yourself (yea, yea, I know...easier said than believed ;0). Your beautiful little girls are lucky to have you!!

mommynolan said...

The first child does not have it all that great. You are a fine mother. the trick is to remember the lessons you learn and just keep going.LY