Had quite the epiphany, and I don't mind sharing it since my situation is pretty public at this point.
Lance works a LOT of hours. A LOT LOT LOT. I signed up for this whole deal of being a stay-at-home mom in order to allow him to provide and make up for the income I wasn't bringing in. The way his job works, when he works over-time, it's in the form of a "double" which means 16 straight hours. He does this all the time. For me, this means 24 hours of holding things down multiple times a week. I lost sight of the fact that I SIGNED UP FOR THIS. I knew this was my end of the deal, and while he held his, I got lost.
There are a whole bunch of ugly details, but the details are not why I'm writing this. I am publicly apologizing to him. Lance, you are my world, and for as long as you'll have me, my choice is absolutely clear: I choose us.
Lance came home with some new sunglasses (I go through them like hairspray!) for me in the middle of the ugly times and I asked him why. ...When I'm the woman he wants to come home to there is nothing he wouldn't do for me.
Humbled.
Sunday, October 24, 2010
...sunglasses...
Posted by Rebecca 5 comments
Thursday, October 21, 2010
update
Not much to tell. Absolute worst week of my life, but the despair is dissipating slightly.
Posted by Rebecca 0 comments
Sunday, October 17, 2010
Wednesday, October 13, 2010
FUZZY
My head hurts. My nose is drippy. My eyes are watery. My throat is scratchy.
:(
Posted by Rebecca 2 comments
Monday, October 11, 2010
A Tale For YOU!
Posted by Rebecca 6 comments
Thursday, October 7, 2010
underneath
In a few ways, tonight was an eye-opener to the HUGE innocence I grew up with. There is so much evil and sadness and hardship out there. People are cruel, and children are hurt. ...Really hurt.
I am so so so grateful that I went to church every Sunday. I am so grateful that education was an expectation, and it was never even on my radar not to graduate high school. I am so grateful that the influence of alcohol and drugs never entered my home. I am so grateful that I had a foundation that gave me a personal relationship with God ...enough that through all my faults, and all of the ways I have NOT continued in the way I was raised, that he still trusted me with little souls to somehow guide.
My childhood directly affects me as an adult -directly affects who I am, and what (though underneath) I actually stand for. Thank you, Mom and Dad for giving this to me.
Posted by Rebecca 3 comments
Tuesday, October 5, 2010
...and not to mention...
It never gets easier.
September 30th, 2002: John, I miss you with every piece of me.
Posted by Rebecca 1 comments
Monday, October 4, 2010
Happy Birthday To Me!!
Since this entry is about ME ME ME (which one isn't?), I thought I'd mention the girls. The girls make me who I am... I do believe, however, that they got a few things from me:
Ella has my nerve. She's very argumentative and has a quick response for everything I say.
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Posted by Rebecca 7 comments