Becca and her peeps

Merry Christmas Eve!!!

2011-12-24T09:17:00.002-07:00

I want to thank all of you for being invested in our lives. We love you so much! Have a very Merry Christmas!

Token....

2011-12-13T20:04:00.002-07:00

Oh yes, oh yes, oh yes. The token self-shots are baaaaaack!

Ella's Christmas concert was today. What a fiasco. Have I mentioned that I am NOT a fan of Ella's elementary school? Gruff. Delivering some gifts... Running errands... Gettin' her done. By far the busiest time of the year.

Day 7 MWTOTY

2011-12-12T20:44:00.002-07:00

Tonight we ventured to Mom's house for some family time/ differ/ hang with my friend Betsy-babes. We had a great time. Mom took a few moments to talk to the kids about the Christmas things they see every day -and what it signifies. IE candy represent the crook that the Shepperd's saw. We talked about stars, and Ella actually proved to me that the lessons were working! -She told us about the night before our Savior was born, the dark night sky never came. It was as bright as the sun for the entire night. Those who were unbelieving were panicked. I don't want that judgment one day of being one who panics and hides in shame.

Lots of work to do.

Thoughts on my experiment... I am so much happier now in this moment of my life than I had been for entirely too long.

Got most of the Christmas cards finished, got the car back ($268 -never gettin' that back ...do I have any rich friends? Leave a comment, or send a check in the mail!! Cash is acceptable too!), glamorizing my friend for photos, and took the pictures too! I hope that something looks good for her. The season of giving, of beauty, of Christ has truly captured me. I absolutely love love love

Day SIIIIIIIIIICKS MWTOTY

2011-12-11T19:29:00.002-07:00

The siiiiiicks has a double meaning... It's long because it covers 2 days (I want one more shot at it tomorrow), and the "cks" part of it goes toward an ugly stomach bug that's been plaguing the tummies and toilets of the house. Eew.

Ok, so yesterday was the ward party. The meal was tostadas (deeeelightful) and I didn't have to cook! That's what went right...
Lance's Dad wound up back in the hospital (after a terrible history as of late, including a quintuple bypass) and was ambulanced to Ogden. The car broke. The wii broke.
Merry Christmas $ = :(
Okay, so here's why my Christmas spirit is :) --No one was hurt or injured when the car broke (could have cost lives if these springs had exploded (thanks for expiring the recall last month, Ford) while going any faster). Ella couldn't play the wii all day (woo!). ...And after draining his chest and running tests, I don't know the current situation with Donny, but I think that no news is good news. I will have to hound Lance for the update later on. After I heard about Donny last night I said a prayer. I cried and prayed, and was impressed to ask for his health if it be His will. I kinda had a panic attack after that. There was an incredible relief to hear that the hospital hadn't called during the night.

The miracles are everywhere and can be recognized when we accept His grace into our hearts and look.

No pictures lately -during this experiment. ...Just words. A LOT of thought.

Day 5 MWTOTY

2011-12-09T20:33:00.002-07:00

Sooooo, amidst distractions and tears we read some scriptures and said a prayer.

Thought for the day....

"We all enjoy giving and receiving presents. But there is a difference between presents and gifts. The true gifts may be part of ourselves--giving of the riches of the heart and mind--and therefore more enduring and of far greater worth than presents bought at the store."
-James E. Faust

I need to work on my gifts......

Day 4, MWTOTY

2011-12-08T20:24:00.002-07:00

So! Today hasn't been stellar, but not too bad either... Mad dash back for Christmas cards, as the ones I purchased turned out SO much different than I'd thought.

ALERT! PLEASE LEAVE YOUR ADDRESS IN A COMMENT OR MAIL ME: rebeccasortor@gmail.com

I don't want to leave anyone off the card list... The picture of the girls is SO cute --HUGE SCHPANKS TO MARY!!!!

Prayer? I'm so out of practice on this. ...At least I THINK about it all the time! Tonight I gathered the girls and we did a few more days from my book. When I prayed with the girls, we asked for a reminder to treat each other with respect and kindness... Not because Santa 'is watching' -but because it's how we honor Christ.

Love thy neighbor.

Day 3 MWTOTY

2011-12-07T20:45:00.002-07:00

Prayer- man, gotta hit the knees.
Christmas spirit? Yes. This time it wasn't quite for the girls though, but for me. I went with Mom to her Relief Society Christmas Party. The program focused on women at the time of Christ -Mary, her mother, Joseph's mother, the Innkeeper's wife... So much about tonight was a personal witness within my heart that Christ is my center and that He is the Savior of mankind. The final woman who spoke did not portray that of a woman at Christ's time, but rather, the affected woman of today. This woman holds such a special place in my heart. Her college-age daughter died of leukemia this year. She spoke of Jesus, who knows our sorrows. She bore witness of the Christ who loves us so perfectly and personally -and as she cried, I cried too.

I found a quick moment when it was all over to stop her and thank her. Many many years ago, I had had for only an evening, her precious daughter in my care. I told her that when we lost John, yes, I lost a brother, but watching my parents lose their child was unbearable. I remember the first Christmas after it had happened so clearly. Though we heal, and our hearts figure out a peace, every Christmas is the sweetest reminder that Christ loves us -and loved me enough to give me the privilege of being John's sister. I told this sweet lady that her daughter's testimony was printed and kept at my Mom's home, where I read it several times. I told her that watching her speak tonight took me back to seeing the heartache in my own Mom, but it's also a calm witness that Christ heals.

When we stop to focus on the miracles, they come in to focus with abundance. I am humbled.

Day 2 MWTOTY

2011-12-06T20:35:00.002-07:00

Prayed, many times.

-Ever notice that when you MEAN to pray, there's a constant running prayer in your heart, but sometimes it's just hard to find the time to hit your knees and do the work? Man, maybe that's just me. YIKES. Got Mia's eyes checked today -she's good to go. *Thank you, Lord. Fought more tooth pain and headache to boot, but survived. *Thank you, Lord. After cleaning up gobs of puke last night from Ella being sick, I had her home all day to whine and fight with Mia. We all took a trip to Sam's Club this afternoon (she felt better by 9 AM) after trying to stop by Ella's classroom to pick up missed work (yeah, the only teacher not in). So, I had a nervous twitch with tooth pain and feeling sickish -which randomly is including losing my voice (wth?)- I quickly realized that I was losing my Christmas spirit: a term coined by Nolans long ago.

Note: this term is applicable for incidents during the month of December and non-December alike... IE say Mary was caught cheating at Mormon Bridge, Becca might be "losing her Christmas spirit" because she didn't think to do that first...

So while doing dishes, I listened to the Mo' Tabs sing "The First Noel" and I cried. I gathered the girls at bedtime and dusted off an old book that I never finished putting together which had different scripture verses and a thought/ song for every day in December leading up to Christmas. We did December 1-4. The girls bounced around and only Ella could give me any real indicator that it meant something, but it did. ...Mean something.

I said a family prayer with my little girls and specifically thanked our Heavenly Father for the beauty of this season. Tonight it became a little more so.

Day 1 MWTOTY

2011-12-05T20:44:00.002-07:00

(MWTOTY=Most Wonderful Time Of The Year)
Prayed, check!
Prayed a few times with a toothache, check check!
Christmas lesson? Well, we watched the oldie-but-goodie "It's Christmas, Charlie Brown" -which is one of the most beautiful and humble little cartoons ever presented to children. I love how at the end I was able to reinforce the message that was clear already (schpanks, S.Schwartz) -that the season is about Christ.

How did it go over? With glazed faces and requests for a denied dessert. On to day two!

It's The Most Wonderful....

2011-12-04T21:44:00.002-07:00

I don't have everything that I want right now. I do have everything that I need right now. This is enough. Maybe this should be what I want?

The road to autonomy and perspective is riddled with people and opinions -Sarah, am I right??

Anywho.... I am going to run an interesting challenge this week that I have come up with on my own. I owe a WHOLE lot more than I have given. I will for this week:

1- BEGIN and END each day in thoughtful and REAL prayer.
2- Include in these prayers for inspiration somehow to help my girls see (even in a small way)why this is truly the most wonderful time of the year.

I shall record my findings.

2011-12-01T19:56:00.003-07:00

Mia was born on November 30th, and she changed my life. This little girl is absolutely the most charming and hilarious kid you'd ever see! Ask her about her dance moves... She will argue almost anything for the sake of being right. She compliments people on jewelry or hair-do's --my little girly girl. Mia is so intelligent and wonderful.

Thank you swet girl for the incredible honor of being your Mommy.

Weeeeell, isn't that just SPECIAL?

2011-11-21T20:28:00.003-07:00

Right and wrong isn't the sermon of the day. ...Neither is good and evil, and for that matter.... no, there will be no sermons.

There is so much to say that it's been a daunting task to consider coming back to this lil' record I've kept. I figure the only way I'll start blogging again is if I don't worry about what's gone on in this last year as much. I'm okay, and that's a good enough place to start.

growth

2011-07-17T14:23:00.003-06:00

Commence chapter one.
Tomorrow morning.
8:00 AM

Happy 7th Ella!

2011-06-22T21:53:00.002-06:00

May 13th came and went, but not unnoticed! Ella turned 7 years old. I had a fun cake for her on her actual birthday -thanks to my friend Karen for making another delicious number for us!
Ella had an awesome birthday party the next day. We did a lil' bit of a Hannah Montana motif, mixed with an "Ella's Garden" bit since she got some plants for her birthday. ...At her request. :)
Dear Ella-

You are such an incredible young lady. You have developed your reading skills like mad and love it. You sparkle with any opportunity to learn. You are crazy creative and make absolutely adorable creations. You like to draw pictures and hide them for me! :) I cherish them. You earned a special math award this year. You are brilliant with speaking and understand & pick up so much. Every day I dropped you off at school you would literally run inside!

You have friends who adore you. Your sisters want to be just like you. You are a natural leader, and feel deeply with your heart. Ella, it is an absolute honor to be your mother. I thank God for you every day of my life, and will never ever understand what I did to deserve you.

I hope you had a good birthday, sweetie.

Yours,
Mommy

Mia's Graduation

2011-06-21T21:51:00.002-06:00

This little Bell of the ball has graduated her 1st year of Preschool! Her star says "Sooo Cute" because she says it all the time about most things... You should shop with her!
Here's Ella and me chillin' at the show!
Mia must have had something important to say. It usually comes in a stance like this, with a full-toothed smile too. I'm a lucky mom. :)
Congrats, my middle angel. You're growing up too fast!

sugar

2011-06-19T21:18:00.004-06:00

I have been living moment to moment in a universe of absolute uncertainty. The only thing I know is that I love my children and love God. ...Most everything else is up for grabs. There are a few arms of extenuating "I believes", but have been proven wrong on too many.

The trust I thought I'd had in so many different aspects is really shaken. There have been "regrettable incidents" to straight-up betrayals. I have been faced with truths unbearable to believe, or alternatively too unbearable to internalize (therapy has been helping)...

I have a sincere appreciation for those who have expressed concern, and you'll please forgive me for keeping most of you at an arm's length. It's the darkest hour of my life, and I don't know how to sugar-coat it.

dear John

2011-05-15T09:34:00.001-06:00

Dear John-

It was so long ago that you and I sat in the computer room at Mom and Dad’s house when I told you that I was getting a divorce from Andrew. You looked so concerned, and told me that you’re there for me to talk to anytime I needed you.

I never took you up on that.

It was one of our last conversations.

I am in a similar position -9 years later, and I wish your offer was still standing. John, there are a million regrets that I have about my life and what I have (and have not) accomplished. Being a better sister to you is probably my number one. We shared the same migraines; we shared some of the same classes and friends… We both shared the heartbreaking idea that somehow we didn’t measure up. My peace truly comes from knowing that you don’t have to believe that anymore.

I’m still in the middle of it.

I wish I could tell you that I own my awesomeness (ha ha), but it’s so far outside of me I can’t seem to see straight. …This isn’t just awesomeness, this is beauty, this is motherhood, and even personal accountability. I am just getting by, and I hate it.

Yes, there are siblings whom I have absolute access to, who would love to listen and advise, however, the immortal element is quite an appeal. What’s it like, John? How wonderful is it knowing that you ARE incredible, and that you did wonderful things for people? …How does it feel to actually understand Heavenly Father’s love, and to walk with angels?

John, from what I know that we shared as children, I know that your concern and love for me is, and has always been real. I am so grateful. I am so touched and blessed to have known you, to have been your big sister for 22 years. I am humbled beyond belief that the incredible life you led somehow included me.

I am so sorry. I am sorry I let you down and made so many crappy decisions. I am so sorry that when you invited me to visit with you and your friends in Smithfield that I never went. I NEVER WENT!!! John, I am so sorry for the million regrets that I have about you, and I wish more than anything in the world that I could selfishly have you back for one day to just soak up some of your soul and rejuvenate my spirit and my faith.

I had a miscarriage a few years back… Hey, if that baby is kicking around up there, please send it my love and tell him or her how much I think about them. My girls would love you, John. …They know you because they knew you before crossing the veil, and it’s one of the most beautiful things to me: I know who you were hanging out with! :)

I hope you understand that as ever now, and ever in my future, you are a part of me. I miss you so terribly, it hurts. Thank you for being my angel. I will love you forever.

becca

survive

2011-05-09T10:42:00.003-06:00

Looking around, every space is different in one way or another. I am now in a beautiful little home --with just my little girls.

I have experienced a very long moment of time between "then" and "now" where time flashed in a hurry... There were a million meetings, there were a million interviews and papers to fill out... I am kind-of lucky that mundane paperwork is something I happen to thoroughly enjoy. :)

Ella is fantastic --she turns 7 years old on the 13th! She has been excelling at school in reading. She just finished indoor soccer where she was the only girl --and the tallest chick on the team!

Mia is almost done with preschool, and sings "Jesus Wants Me For A 'Sun-beep'" multiple times an hour.

Sabrina will now copy any word you ask her to say, and is down to one (or less) nap a day...

I am looking into options available to me at this moment, but am still sad. I am continuing therapy and am learning at a heart-breaking pace what friendships I have that can survive.

...Survive.

New

2011-04-09T19:37:00.001-06:00

Everything is different. ...Much more to come.

future

2011-03-21T19:50:00.002-06:00

When I think about the future of my little family it is excruciating. I don't know when or how, but it's all going to change.

I love my girls. I want only wonderful and good things for them, above all peace. I guess as the saying goes, it's better to come from a broken home than to live in one. Someday I will have so many questions to answer --and that day is coming. As this is the only life these girls will have, my job is to prepare them for it. How can I be effective and be the influence that inspires independence, strength of character, and an absolute knowledge of what she will and will not stand for?

Live it.

that DARN blog...

2011-03-09T16:34:00.002-07:00

It grates on my mind ALL THE TIME. I don't know how people can just "forget" about their blogs --mine grates on me everyday. ...Everyday that I don't write is a conscious choice. Sometimes my writing is too personal, and therefore, includes too much of what's going on inside of my brain.

My brain.
Ugh. Be grateful you're not there. At some point, the whole story will come flooding out, and the puzzle pieces will all make sense. That's not today. That's not anytime soon, so until then, I may write... I should write... I have three little girls who will someday wonder what's the dealio with the holes here, but maybe much longer than that someday, they will understand.

...Maybe by then I will too.

Where is Rebecca?

2011-02-18T19:54:00.002-07:00

Time will tell.

"We judge ourselves by what we feel capable of doing, while others judge us by what we have already done."
-Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

My Mia

2011-01-30T21:53:00.002-07:00

Mia is my little buddy who follows me around the house and goes shopping with me all the time. She goes everywhere with me all the time. Mia is hilarious, and makes me laugh on a constant basis. I a hear little " 'Cuse me" from her here and there, and I bust up. I hear "Mommy, peese help me" -but it's all muffled together- like 50 times a day. She loves her puzzles and her stickers... She's girly -loves nail polish, pink, jewlery, and refuses to take her dress off after church. Mia is a huge Mickey Mouse fan, and is very VERY intrigued by my make-up, as she watches me put it on everyday.

(I try to ignore the fact that she's watching carefully waiting for my attention to fall on something else in order to ninja herself in and steal something to start applying beauty products to her own lovely little face!!!)

Love that girl.

Ella

2011-01-27T20:42:00.003-07:00

MY ELLA

Today I drove Ella around Logan and we talked about college and how she wants to be a veterinarian and work with race horses. She is becoming so amazingly smart and seems to take in everything around her... She asks questions, but she figures out so much on her own. I know this girl has an amazing future, and I am so excited to see what she will become.

So many

2011-01-25T19:19:00.002-07:00

So many ridiculous cartoons that I can't stand.
So many meals I FLOP.
So many creative ways I can now hide from dirty diapers.
SOOOOOO many tears, and fits, and questions!
So many cuddles and kisses.
So many "I love you's".
So many blessings.

So many blessings.

Football, baybee!!!

2011-01-24T20:43:00.002-07:00

Steelers = Candace's team

Greenbay = Lance's team

WAR

blood -eew

2011-01-19T19:09:00.004-07:00

While shaving today, in lieu of dropping the soap, I managed to cut a huge chunk out of my left ring finger. It bled everywhere! Aaaah, beauty=pain!!!

neglect

2011-01-18T21:37:00.004-07:00

I have been neglecting this blog, and it's time to get back in the saddle! Ever notice when one thing goes, EVERYTHING goes too? So today I picked up all the trash out of the van, I took down all the Christmas stuff (not entirely my fault--the bins for storing it all were in the storage shed until this week), scrubbed all 3 bathrooms, cooked pumpkin pancakes for Ella, and even did my nails.

Feelin' good!

Good Stuff

2011-01-10T22:28:00.003-07:00

All the more introspection as time rolls on... I'm coming up on my last session of therapy this Thursday. I have found many valuable tools in the way I think. Translating everything that I have learned is something different... It's the same as knowing any certain truth and not demonstrating what you know. It grates on you, but you can be okay with it too. I have learned that 1- I am a valuable person. 2- I have pieces of me that I have neither listened to, nor given heed to which are desperate to speak out loud. It may be this way my whole life -yet, when I know I'm not heading in a direction that I want to go, listening will prove the most important thing I can possibly do. 3- Caring for me is not a present contribution. I am past/present/future Rebecca, and there is so much to address to each of them.

I am not going to dive much further into this, but I do want to say that it's been so good for me to have an outside perspective on ME and the way/ things I think. How can that not be helpful?
Good stuff.

7

2011-01-06T20:32:00.001-07:00

7 years, baby. This one is for you....

:)

CHRISTMAS 2010!!!

2011-01-05T19:40:00.008-07:00

WARNING:

LOTS OF PICTURES!!!

This has been such an incredibly busy season! The blog has been neglected. :( Here are some highlights!
Above is the delectable and coveted caramel corn that Rachael and I put together. Mmmmm.
She also made yumo cranberry salsa. I highly recommend this.

During the season Lance brought me some gorgeous Christmas roses. How blessed am I???

Here's Ella.

...And Mia...

Bri-bri too!

I had a crazy idea to throw a Santa-cookie decorating party for lil' ones. Above is Candace -my sister-in-law.

Here's my cute Melanie!

NOTE: there are lots of pix of this, but I uploaded everything for this entry, and don't want to mess with sticking them in the right spot!! (Someone tutor me on this so I can do things easier, eh???)

So you just get to see my friends and not kiddos with yummy sugar cookies! Sorry!

Christmas Eve was first spent at the Sortor's home. Here's Lance and Donny.

Chaedon and Donny.

I LOVE this picture! It's Mia and Grandma.

Here's a very excited Ella holding Sabrina!

Lancey-cakes.

Token self-shot. BAD lighting, fuzzy picture. Oh well!

Mia got a robot! She loves this toy!!

Santa Claus (Donny) came to see everyone that evening!

Sabrina got some fun toys.

Here's cute Chaedon with Santa! Love it!

Ella got some Leapster books with the pen to help her read.

On to the Nolan's home! Above is part of Mom's tree... It's the inspiration for my own. I have always loved her victorian tree. Sorry kids! Someday we'll have a 2nd tree with ugly ornaments, but this one is MINE.

Grinchy?

Dad read the Christmas story from The Bible and we sung carols.

Mom and my sister Sarah.

Lexie, Dave (my brother), and Grandmother (Dad's mom who was flown out for the holiday).

Kids and craziness... That's Mia, Tessa, Rachael, and Lily-bug.

Finally home. Here's our tree before we went to bed.

My tree.

Christmas morning mayhem.

YIKES!

Back to my parent's home for more gifts!

Fabulous Sarah.

Here's my VERY tired Sabrina, who was taken home early for a nap.

My Granny-loo.

We wound up at the Sortor's home after this session for a wonderful Christmas dinner -THANK YOU DONNY AND DEBBIE!

It was such a busy and beautiful day. I had it rougher, however, with a fever and a UTI at the end of the day. :( We made it through a very long and boring (if you ask Ella) Christmas break, and now after a quick round of a stomach/puke bug for all 3 little girls, our lives are starting to fall back into the grove of normalcy.

If you made it through this post, I'm VERY impressed! Sorry about the drought. I will get better.

Hey, who wants to take a pottery class with me?

Temple Square!

2010-12-15T20:53:00.003-07:00

Temple Square in Salt Lake City is one of the most magical and amazing things kiddos can go see at Christmastime. I have memories from being a child going there (remember me pulling out the bulb from the huge red tree and having the whole thing go out, siblings o' mine? heh heh). Taking my children there is building beautiful memories for them, but even more incredible memories for me as an adult watching them...

Mia refused to wear a coat, but got along just fine. :)

Cute Ella at the ponds... She has like 5 loose teeth!

Lance and Ella! You can't see it well enough in this picture, but the tree was absolutely amazing! Not a branch unlit...

Lance jumped in one of my "token self shots", so here WE are!

Lance and Ella, with a glimpse of the coat (not Sabrina -as she preferred to walk, grrrrr!) stroller.

Lance and Chaedon!

Sabrina whined on the way home until she got a bum change. Oooooo, bad parent moment. Sorry, babe! Look at all the forgiveness in her little face!!!

I DROVE! Lance gave me a lil' payback from the bazillion pix of him driving I tend to take. How lucky would you have to BE to have this face steering the wheel?!

LOVE LOVE LOVE CHRISTMAS AT TEMPLE SQUARE.

The schedule

2010-12-09T19:44:00.002-07:00

...As the schedule fills up, the time for family becomes more and more precious. This Christmas, I have already received what I want --my family is together.

The beautiful miracle of love is real as it ever was in my deepest hopes.

catch-me-up

2010-11-30T18:58:00.004-07:00

First and foremost, HAPPY 3RD BIRTHDAY MIA!!!!

This little goober is such a joy (is the fact that I slipped and typed "job" first some Freudian thing?) to have in our little family!

Here are some Mia fun facts:

-Mia likes to say "Um, good" before someone asks how she is.

-She sings "haty bow-way" and pretends to serve up cake all the time.

-Mia is surprisingly good at puzzles, and not surprisingly good at yelling.

-Mia is taking her time with potty-training, (did with speech too, but we're good there) yet will announce her poop-a-doop and refuse to sit down until she's changed. ...Getting there. (Lord give me strength)

-She is our tender-heart and is always up in my face when I show any kind of stress.

-She is also our bully, and she can walk by Sabrina and casually shove her without remorse.

-Mia refuses to wear coats.

-Mia loves to copy and do everything Ella does.

My sweet Mia-

Today you're 3. I can't believe how slow the time has gone, since it feels like you've been around forever! It's a compliment! :) You were my easiest birth, you were my tummy-company when I worked in SLC away from Dad and Ella a week at a time. You are a light in our lives, and we are our little family only with you. I love you.

Okay, Thanksgiving!

It was a lovely Thanksgiving this year. Here's my beautiful Ella.

...And cute Mia!

...Funny lil' shot, but you gotta love it!

Car shot! WOO!

Yep, the token-self-shots are baaaaaack!

The day began at my parent's home, and ended at Lance's. The meal was incredible. L-R bottom: Mia, Debbie, Maksim, Donny, Chaston. L-R middle: Ella, Bri. L-R top: Lance, Me, Scott, Candace, Aneesa.

The bird.

Lance's famous jello-pretzel salad.

*Lack of pix on my family's side is not due to any slight on the meal. On the contrary, it was divine. However, there was more baby-wrangling, and less pic ops.

Therapy continues to progress well for me, and I had a VERY heavy day today with a lot to think about. Someday I may blog about it, but probably not. Thank God for research and for professionals willing to devote their careers to helping people. Thank God for my beautiful Mia (and all my children). Thank God for Thanksgiving, and the opportunity to step outside ourselves and actually take inventory on the incredible blessings in our lives.

More than anything, thank God for Lance. Thank God he is in my life and he still loves me.

untitled

2010-11-21T19:29:00.002-07:00

Continuous effort -not strength or intelligence- is the key to unlocking our potential.

-Winston Churchill

(also the man who says something about never never never never giving up...)

End

2010-11-18T23:38:00.003-07:00

Great timing, right? Lance and I are calling it after almost 7 years of marriage. Happy holidays...

BJ, BAYBEE!

2010-11-11T18:56:00.004-07:00

So The Office is one of the BEST shows of all time. I could go off on how it has lost a bit of its edge, blah blah, but the first few seasons are TOPS! ...Again, MUST see the "bros before hoes" speech that Michael gives on a Christmas episode. Epitome of comedy writing... Anywho, BJ plays 'Ryan -the temp' on The Office, and came to USU for some stand-up comedy. It was pretty dang awesome for me. I get a little uncool around stars (ask my sister Rachael about my moment with Doug from Trading Spaces) -so sitting back on the 26th row was safer for him. I couldn't get a very snazzy picture, but here ye be! YAY for awesome shows!

...Special thanks to Lance for taking me. Love you.

therapy

2010-11-10T19:51:00.004-07:00

Went to an awesome therapist today. She didn't have anything other agenda but to focus on me and let me speak from the soul. It was absolutely wonderful. 2 1/2 hours later, I left with a renewed purpose and a soft reasoning to my heart that makes me feel that maybe I'm not so bad after all...

...Can't wait until the next session.

Halloween 2010

2010-11-07T21:47:00.006-07:00

During the insanity of living between households, there has been a lot that has fallen through the cracks. Yes, Halloween came and went! ...There are pictures to prove some participation! Above is my beautiful Mia. She'll be 3 years old at the end of the month, but look at that head of hair! It's growing so fast! YAY!

Here are the girls right before trick o' treating. Ella was a Glitzy-Witch, and Mia was a bunny rabbit.

Bunny!

Glitzy-Witch!

Sabrina-boo was my little clown.

On the day I moved out it was also the NFHP (Nolan Family Halloween Party) in Layton. I stole some pictures for the sake of documenting it, however, it breaks my heart that I wasn't there.

Above is my Dad playing with Sabrina in the swing at Dave and Lexie's.

Here's Ella and her cousin Noah.

There was pumpkin carving!

...And a corn-maze!

There were pumpkins to be picked...

...And super cute pix to be snapped! Here's Sabrina with Auntie Sarah.

A special thank-you goes out to my family (especially Mom and Dad) who stepped up to help me out and take the girls to this event even thought I wasn't going to be there.

The only update to report is that there is no major update. Lance are taking things day-by-day, and sometimes moment-by-moment. I am so touched by some of his gestures of sincerity in fighting for our family. There are other moments so painful I can't re-live them in my head for fear of break-down. I have learned a lot about my friends and about friendship in general. I have learned too much about myself, but not enough. Tomorrow I am taking steps to begin some counseling. The process and road that lies before me is daunting and terrifying, as it quite realistically could end in my family breaking. I have and will continue to live on the tip of this knife, where comfort is no option, yet the sharp pain I feel can either kill me or drive me. Therapy, here I come.

...sunglasses...

2010-10-24T19:17:00.002-06:00

Had quite the epiphany, and I don't mind sharing it since my situation is pretty public at this point.
Lance works a LOT of hours. A LOT LOT LOT. I signed up for this whole deal of being a stay-at-home mom in order to allow him to provide and make up for the income I wasn't bringing in. The way his job works, when he works over-time, it's in the form of a "double" which means 16 straight hours. He does this all the time. For me, this means 24 hours of holding things down multiple times a week. I lost sight of the fact that I SIGNED UP FOR THIS. I knew this was my end of the deal, and while he held his, I got lost.

There are a whole bunch of ugly details, but the details are not why I'm writing this. I am publicly apologizing to him. Lance, you are my world, and for as long as you'll have me, my choice is absolutely clear: I choose us.

Lance came home with some new sunglasses (I go through them like hairspray!) for me in the middle of the ugly times and I asked him why. ...When I'm the woman he wants to come home to there is nothing he wouldn't do for me.

Humbled.

update

2010-10-21T16:20:00.002-06:00

Not much to tell. Absolute worst week of my life, but the despair is dissipating slightly.

now

2010-10-17T07:45:00.003-06:00

Lance and I separated yesterday.

FUZZY

2010-10-13T18:27:00.002-06:00

My head hurts. My nose is drippy. My eyes are watery. My throat is scratchy.

:(

A Tale For YOU!

2010-10-11T21:14:00.004-06:00

THE BATTLE OF THE SPOON!

Mommy's blog-readers, take heed: it's the tale of the spoon and the need to feed!

...As told by Mia.

This is Sabrina, she's cute and sassy. She received the spoon from Mommy, with a promise to be classy!

Bri took the spoon with an Oooo and an Aaaah. She thought "You trust me? We'll see! Ha Ha!"

I prodded with glee as the mess unfolded... We're creative and awesome! We can't be molded!

Bri looked at the spoon...

The spoon looked at Bri...

Sabrina thought "Forget this, there's a BETTER WAY FOR ME!!"

Her little hand gushed with berries and oatmeal. ...Another clean breakfast, FAR in the distance, I feel.

And to my delight, her spoon was set down.To the newest mess-maker, I now pass the crown!!!

The battle of the spoon is finished at last... Sabrina: 1, Mommy: 0 -victory, a thing of the past!

underneath

2010-10-07T22:41:00.002-06:00

In a few ways, tonight was an eye-opener to the HUGE innocence I grew up with. There is so much evil and sadness and hardship out there. People are cruel, and children are hurt. ...Really hurt.
I am so so so grateful that I went to church every Sunday. I am so grateful that education was an expectation, and it was never even on my radar not to graduate high school. I am so grateful that the influence of alcohol and drugs never entered my home. I am so grateful that I had a foundation that gave me a personal relationship with God ...enough that through all my faults, and all of the ways I have NOT continued in the way I was raised, that he still trusted me with little souls to somehow guide.

My childhood directly affects me as an adult -directly affects who I am, and what (though underneath) I actually stand for. Thank you, Mom and Dad for giving this to me.

...and not to mention...

2010-10-05T22:38:00.002-06:00

It never gets easier.

September 30th, 2002: John, I miss you with every piece of me.

Happy Birthday To Me!!

2010-10-04T22:34:00.003-06:00

Since this entry is about ME ME ME (which one isn't?), I thought I'd mention the girls. The girls make me who I am... I do believe, however, that they got a few things from me:

Ella has my nerve. She's very argumentative and has a quick response for everything I say.

Mia has my sensitivity for others. We both love and hurt very deeply.

Sabrina has my smile. She is still developing a lot of her personality, but she knows how to keep on smiling. :)

This is my "token self shot" -only pic taken of me on my birthday.

Earlier I'd had the opportunity to go out with Candace. This pic was taken that night!

My birthday was actually an excellent day. I'd gone to Candace's for a few minutes and wound up cutting and styling her hair! I styled our friend (and Candace's neighbor) Aeriole's hair too. SO CUTE! We went to my in-laws home for dinner that evening for a magnificent seafood fest! YUMO!

Fabulous birthday. 33 feels OLD.

today

2010-09-29T00:24:00.003-06:00

today is a hard day.
the anniversary of my brother's death is on September 30th, and the sorrow is creeping up on me like a freaking python.

Le Tag!

2010-09-26T21:40:00.003-06:00

My sister Mary tagged me to fill out some awesome questions -who doesn't want to get to know me better, riiiiiiiiight????

1-What would be your ideal vacation?
If I could go anywhere on vacation, it would be Italy. I would love to really embrace the romance and beauty of the culture and landscape. ...And I would shop shop shop!

2-If you could have any paid career (with or without having to go through years of school to do it), what would it be?
I would do hair and makeup for the stars- maybe a soap opera... One of my favorite things to do is really make things beautiful, and this would be a lucrative way to fulfill my passion!

3-What is your favorite song of all time?
Most people know that "The Boxer" by Simon and Garfunkel is my favorite song of all time --it's just so beautiful and intense.

4-What did you do on your very first date?
This is NOT a pleasant story! The boy had been waiting to take me out -and once I turned 16 he pounced! He wasn't quite right upstairs, and the entire experience was off-the-chart uncomfortable! Yeeeeaaaah, his Dad drove for the date.

5-If you could have one free plastic surgery procedure, would you do it? What would you change?
Free???? HECK YEAH! BOOBS!

6-What is your favorite guilty pleasure?
Well, it used to be "The Hills" -but every time I watched it, I felt like I should go round-brush my hair... Now it's Lady Gaga. :)

7-What is your favorite day of the year?
CHRISTMAS!!! It's SO beautiful from the inside out. The celebration of Christ and the spirit of giving is so incredible and important. The surprises and gestures between family members are precious. I love the preparation, the anticipation, the cooking, the decorating, the music.... I could go on and on.

8-What did you do to celebrate the turn of the millennium (New Year's Eve, partying like it was 1999)?
Oh man. That was a ROUGH time. I was married to my ex-husband Andrew and his Mom had died on that Christmas Day. We were in Bala Cynwyd, PA sitting shiva over her death (a Jewish tradition) as the millennium changed. We had considered cruising into NYC for the big to-do, but it didn't happen. Not much partying that holiday. : /
...Rest In Peace, Naomi.

I'm not specifically tagging anyone, but YOU should do it, my friendly readers!

Torn

2010-09-23T19:16:00.003-06:00

Ever had that horrible human moment when you say something you absolutely don't mean in complete deflection of what you should say to yourself?

Perhaps introspection at this juncture isn't the best idea. I have had more mirrors held to me in the last little while than I should have in a freakin' lifetime. It's all because of MY OWN DOING too. Maybe blogging birthdays and outings should be the point of "Becca and her peeps". However, I do know that someone who has the inclination to read my thoughts and see pictures of my life would have to love me in one way or another... So maybe it's okay to speak about myself from a personal point of view. Torn. This is a public forum. I have SO FAR to go to even pretend to resemble the woman I should be. ...And that's not even a perfect ideal! What's "perfect" is so far out of my line of sight it's frightening. I'm trying to keep up with a base-line of "would I be my friend?"....

Not answering that right now. ...But for the friends I have, I thank you. I love you. I need you.

Happy Birthday Tessa-Roo!

2010-09-22T19:46:00.005-06:00

How the birthdays come and go! Tessa turned 2! Tessie is my sister Rachael's youngest. She is absolutely adorable! If you check out these pictures from the party, you'll see why I put off blogging it for so long! It was incredible -and there are a LOT of pix!

The theme was apples. These are the songs that Rachael sang with the kids on CD to listen to.

Candy and gifts!

Kiddos in the apple-toss game!

Here's Lance and Ella being worms and apples!

We ventured to an apple orchard. Above is Lance pushing Mia during a little down-time.

Bri!

Token self-shot!

The party was complete with carmel apples. Mmmm.

I did a little editing -here's Sabrina.This is my sister Rachael holding Mia the tree while the kids tickled the apples down!

My Mia.

Rachael-

You did such an amazing job with the birthday! Thanks for the day of fun, and thanks for beautiful Tessa (oh, thanks to Seuao too) in our lives! Happy birthday cutie-pie!

Happy Birthday Chaedon!

2010-09-19T22:22:00.003-06:00

M'boy is 14!! September 16th is Chaedon's birthday. He has become such an amazing young man. Chaedon is his three sister's hero- he loves be with them. I can't explain or put into words how much I love this boy.
In the beginning it was very difficult for both of us to make the adjustment that I'd be married to his dad and that we had children who Chaedon didn't live with. Blended families are always hard... There were some rocky times, but over the years I have come to really get to know him. Chaedon loves very deeply. He is thoughtful and kind. He teases Ella relentlessly (but it builds character -right? :D). He is extremely talented in sports -football in particular. Chaedon is hilarious to talk to -makes me laugh all the time.
I am incredibly grateful that I get to be a part of this boy's life. Thank you Lance for the privilege -and thank you Tiffany (Chaedon's mom) for all you have done in raising such a wonderful young man. Happy birthday sweetheart.

Happy Birthday Mr. Noah!

2010-09-15T20:09:00.006-06:00

Here's ME on the drive to Layton! :D HOORAY for photo editing! Anywho, on Saturday we headed to Layton for Mr. Noah's (my bro. Dave's boy) 3rd birthday party!

Ella and Mia were super stoked to go. You can see Mia's wink -which means she's anticipating an excellently organized and child-friendly event -as always (someone else planned this).

Lance went too!

The theme was Thomas The Train -and it was intense! Lexie did an absolutely fabulous job with the games and the deco and everything in between...

Here's Brina reaching for my camera!

Here's the table, and that's the birthday boy on the left with the shaggy beach-blond hair! ...That's Granny in the back with her sunglasses.

Noah and cake!

All the boys found their space one way or another... Lance didn't get off so easy.

:)Typical Nolan party pinata! They're so fun! Here's Mia up to bat with Ella behind her.

Lil' tears after the turn ended.

We gave Noah a cute little skate-boarder dude toy thingie. Good luck with that, Lexie!

At the end of the party, the REAL present -LIFE SIZE THOMAS was the biggest hit with every kid there! What a party! Noah is absolutely precious -he's getting so mature (not so big!) and is so stinkin' smart! We had a great time. Happy Birthday, Noah!

Introspection

2010-09-13T07:06:00.003-06:00

There hasn't been much in a long time. Perhaps I am avoiding spilling what's making me tick, or perhaps finding time to sit at a computer without interruptions is a thing of the past... Regardless, I feel that the substance within this blog is waning.
So here goes:
I am a work in progress. I am an extraordinarily flawed individual. I am working on it, and for those whom I have hurt, my personal regret is amplified. The choices I have made throughout my life are inconsistent at best. My foundation was firm, yet flawed -leaving me in a state of self-worth questioning. The battle to find myself and firmly stand for what I believe in is ever on-going, and sometimes grows weak. My human flaws can eclipse the "incredible" woman I want to be -the woman I mean to be.
...But I have hope...

River Walk x2

2010-09-08T21:47:00.003-06:00

I've been a few times to River Walk lately and wanted to post some cute photos! Here's my Mia-babes!

Mia trying to steal Sabrina's treats!

Token self-shot!

Me and Melanie!

Mia was "helpful" holding Mel's dog Simon's leash!

Sabrina would have loved to help too!

Scenery. I LOVE this place.

My sweet Bri!

Boating!

2010-09-07T20:46:00.004-06:00

Sunday was AWESOME! We went with Debbie and Donny (Lance's parents) to Hyrum Dam and played in the water! Above is the craziness --just at Walgreens!

Chaedon and Milly-Kisses!

Token-self-shot!

More craziness at Walgreens.

...And more.

YAY! A boat picture! We loaded up and as soon as Ella got on, she changed her mind and was determined to get off again... We made her stick it out, and she came around when the ride was over! Donny scared the be-jeebes out of her with the previous water-weenie ride!

OKAY! Donny scared the be-jeebes out of me too last time! I didn't even bother with water-friendly clothing. I really am still freaked out to get back in! So here's Lance and Chaedon on the tube.

Lance after the ride. ...The tube was "brutal" and smacked their feet, their faces, and other manly parts that made it rather unpleasant...

M'boyz!

Later, Chaedon rode a few different toys by himself.

Mia was my little trooper! She rode and enjoyed herself thoroughly -without saying a word!

There's a happier Ella!

Me all wind-blown on the boat! GOOD TIMES!

Thank you Donny and Debbie! It was a blast! :D

The Fam

2010-09-02T19:52:00.001-06:00

I was editing some pictures the other night and thought I'd post. ...Too beautiful!

Happy Birthday Sabrina!

2010-08-31T21:28:00.004-06:00

WARNING: BAZILLIONS O' PIX! The "button" party wound up with minimal buttons, but lots of fun. What can I say? I have a long way to go when it comes to party planning and making it exceptional... :)

Here's the birthday girl on the new toy from Lance's parents -who were unable to make it to the party. She is CRAZY about it!

These are the delightful peanut butter cookies with Rolo candies! YUMO! (The cookie whisperer strikes again!)

Breakfast!

Yes, this is Sabrina's cake. I made it myself, with lots of love, however, it does look kinda sad. Oh well!

Here's Bri opening gifts! This is an awesome toy guitar! *Thanks Candace!

See? Sabrina doesn't care what it looks like! Look at the anticipation of attacking that pink stack o' love!

Happy baby!

Sistas! Here's Auntie Sarah and Auntie Rachael!

After the par-tay, we headed to my Mom's house to hang for the afternoon. Above is Mia with her favorite snack -a "na-na".

We chilled on the porch for a few hours... Rachael's husband Seuao and Lance went golfing so we played with kiddos. Here's Rachael with Dave and Lexie's little man Noah.

Token self-shot!

The boys came back and Lance commenced yard-wrestling. EVERY kid's favorite activity!

Lance and Mia-babes.

Here's Sabrina playing with my necklace (aaah, motherhood). The new outfit is from Sarah! CUTE for fall!

My hunny.

Here's my beautiful 1-year-old birthday girl sporting an outfit from Mary (THANKS!), and a darling headband from Lexie (THANKS!)!

I absolutely adore this little baby, and can't believe how fast she's growing up. I am too blessed.

To Dave's, To Dave's!!!

2010-08-29T20:38:00.005-06:00

Last Sunday we headed to Layton for a fun surprise Birthday celebration for my awesome brother David!!! Here's my token self-shot in the car!Sleeping baby!

Sleeping Ella and Mia!!

The party was Lex's invention -it really did surprise Dave when the whole family showed up on his door step on a Sunday night! Here's Lexie with Phoebes... Phoebe is getting RED hair, and we're all lovin' it!

Cute Sarah with a very tired and attached Sabrina who isn't thrilled -and Mia who is trying to help!

Gorgeous Rachael! Kiddo free in this pic! Go figure!

Ella chipped in on keeping Sabrina entertained!

The BIRTHDAY BOY! HAPPY BIRTHDAY DAVID!!!

We all ate and visited. It was awesome. Left to right: Ella, Lily, Noah, Benny (behind the flowers), Mia, and Lexie's back.

Lancey-cakes and Benny-babes. *So cute!

Lovely shot of Sarah and Mom... BTW, thanks for lettin' me steal some pix, Mary!!

Some of the crowd :) Left to right: Dad, Mia, Sabrina, Lexie, Benny, Seuao, Granny, Rach, and Me with my arm up to my face.

My BRI-BRI!!! *Pic taken the actual day before her birthday! Exactly one year from this picture I was screaming. Good times!

Totally worth it.

I love you Dave -thanks for having us!

Demolition!

2010-08-25T19:54:00.003-06:00

Saturday night was my FIRST demolition derby! It was SO FUN!
I hadn't realized until Lance pointed out "You know, it is a red-neck party..." why everyone there was just SO interesting! From clothes to hair-styles, from boots & spurs to rocker-moms, there was entertainment 360.

Above is a happy Mia! She did okay through the night, but we left before the final heat -she'd had enough.

Ella in line!

We took our nephew Chaston along for the fun. Here he is with Ella.

Token self-shot (noooo bueno).

Lancey-cakes.

Yeah, I'd never seen anything like it... I've been totally missing out!

1st Grade!

2010-08-24T20:41:00.001-06:00

The 18th was Ella's 1st day of 1st Grade! She's growing up SO fast!

She chose the outfit herself! :)

Happy Birthday Sabrina!

2010-08-23T20:50:00.003-06:00

Dear Sabrina-

Exactly one year ago today you entered my life and I haven't been the same since. You are a precious angel who loves to laugh, to dance, and smile above all. Sabrina, I want the world for you, and it's all at your feet. Thank you for being the most incredible little baby. I love you with all my heart. Happy birthday, princess.

Mommy

Who's got the button?

2010-08-22T22:22:00.002-06:00

...And so it begins! Here are the invites and the sucker-ties for Sabrina's party. Lots of work left to do! It's been an eventful weekend, but I don't have my pictures on the computer yet, so here's a par-tay sneak-peek!

:)

Happy Baby!

2010-08-18T20:17:00.003-06:00

Yeaaaaah, couldn't stop taking pix of Sabrina the other day... Seriously, could she be ANY cuter?!

Back To School PAR-TAY!

2010-08-17T23:34:00.004-06:00

SO! My Mom decided to throw a lil' soiree' to celebrate Ella going back to school! I couldn't be more pleased... The summer has flown, but that girl has got some cabin fever and needs more structure! YAY for teachers! Above is a busted Brina who found my phone...

Hahaha, she wasn't too excited about me taking the phone away!

Here's Mom!

Mia is my little water-bug. She LOVES playing in the water!

The BACK-TO-SCHOOL-GIRL!

OKAY, I gave her the phone (if I accidentally texted you this evening, THIS is why!).

My friend (Mom's too) Betsy and her kiddos Connor, Logan, and Teagan (plus a coupla spares) came for some hot dogs and swimming.

It was a fun night. As for having Ella ready; from a mental perspective, she couldn't be more ready, and I couldn't be more ready for her to go to 1st grade, which means big changes... However, from a physical perspective, I have not purchased ONE new box of crayons, a new glue stick, new scissors, or even a sheet of paper.

SHAMEY!

Yeaaaaah, I'll do that tomorrow... While she's at school.

For Fun!

2010-08-16T14:23:00.000-06:00

...Taken yesterday. LOVE Sarah's polka-dot shirt! :D

Amelia Photo Shoot

2010-08-15T18:47:00.002-06:00

Today I started taking pictures of Mia and couldn't stop. Not one of these are edited... :)

Cache Valley Gardner's Market

2010-08-12T23:46:00.002-06:00

It's SO unfortunate that I have only been here a hand-full of times this summer. I look forward to the Gardner's Market every year with baited breath! I love this picture -you don't have a sense of the amazing environment, but the trees give you an indication. :)

Last weekend I went with my sweet Mom. Here she is with Ella and Mia.

They had LOTS of fun playing with her (typical). :)

Finally, here's Mia on the move. This picture isn't edited, she really does have naturally shiny incredibly beautiful hair. Jealous? Absolutely.

My friend Steph works there and sells the most incredible little blankets and things... Her business is Little Bright Boat, and her craftsmanship is impeccable. I saw my friend Brianna there a few weeks ago, and she had some beautiful glass pieces. I love supporting local artists and more, I love the environment and getting out of the house to browse such interesting and creative things...

birthday planning...

2010-08-10T23:25:00.002-06:00

You would think that if I have time to take my own stinkin' picture I'd have time to pull a birthday party together??!! Not so much. Sabrina will turn one on the 23rd, and I am SO far behind on pulling something spectacular off... Thanks for setting the bar, Rachael! GRUFF! NO, I'm not out to put on an amazing event that could potentially rival what my sisters/ brother have pulled off for their kids, however, I don't want to jip the kid either. Mia had the worst 1st birthday EVER, since it fell on Thanksgiving weekend/ moving weekend/ announce new bayby slash miscarry new baby weekend. She got a mini-cake and two or three people hung out to watch. BAAAH! I love you, Mia, and I'm so sorry you're so stuck in the middle. This probably isn't the first time you'll be ripped off either. OK! I need to make a concentrated effort for everyone. I must learn from my mistakes, eh?

Buttons. That's my theme. Someone, anyone, throw out some ideas that two/ three-year-olds can participate with. It'll probably be a pancake breakfast party (make the pancakes look like buttons -suggestions???) on the 28th, so I need INPUT.

I realize that this blog is very random, but that's how my brain works sometimes. I am brainstorming, but the storm is fizzling fast. Yeesh!

Jami-Loo!

2010-08-09T20:52:00.002-06:00

A few days ago we went to see my friend Jami. I had the girls (naturally), and she was watching her niece Taylor. We visited and chilled on the awesome back porch of her beautiful yard. The girls had a blast jumping on the trampoline with the sprinkler underneath... There is a creek in the yard as well that the girls had fun wading in. Jami and I got to catch up a little bit. She's a dear friend of mine, and we go WAAAAAY back. We met at Mount Logan Middle School in sixth grade. I must have been 11 -so we have been friends for about 21 years. I love that girl. She is very self-assured, and knows exactly what she stands for. I love how she also accepts all, and has a very educated and deep understanding of people. Jami wouldn't let me take her picture, but trust me, she's amazing -inside and out.

Love ya Jami, and thanx for the afternoon!

Birthdays!

2010-08-05T21:53:00.004-06:00

Above is the lil' poster I made for Mom... I feel terrible that she didn't get a banner like Granny's, but I hope that the chocolate makes up for it... (heh heh)

Yesterday we headed to Layton for the celebration of Sarah's birthday. I made beans (again) and cornbread. The main meal was a white chili, which was actually quite delicious!

Ella looks precious here! Her little cheeks are SO sun-kissed. : )

Sabrina and Mia kept themselves busy with Phoebe's toys for a while.

It's rare when Mia will actually stop and look at you while she says "cheese" -so this picture is precious! Left to right: Rachael, Sabrina, Dave, Lex, Phoebes, Sarah, and Mary!

Happy Birthday Sarah. You're one of my heroes.

Bryant Family Reunion 2010

2010-08-03T22:38:00.007-06:00

Here's the much-anticipated story!

This was my view for 6+ hours -best view in the house, with one exception:

Lance's view!!! NO, I didn't take a demonstrative shot, but this is quite the boob-shirt, and I wore it specifically for the entertainment/ favor-potential of the driver. ...What a great wife?!

Anywho, we left for Bruce and headed down minus one step-son who earlier that morning was siiiiick and needed to go home. :( We did use every square inch of the van for packing, etc., but we missed you, Chaedon!

By early evening on July 22nd, we were getting into Red Canyon ...above is the tunnel that we used to beg Dad to honk in! The drive wasn't too bad all things considered. Sabrina lost it going over the mountain into Panguitch, but we think it was just from the altitude/ ear adjustment.

We made it to our TeePee and unpacked and set up camp. Sabrina was the ultimate trooper, as she lived in the playpen -but kept a happy smile on her little face. When we first got there it was already jacket weather! WOO HOO! *No one digs being dirty from camping AND being hot...

El TeePee!

The inside of El TeePee! After we were settled, we had a weenie roast, and many family members wandered over and said hello!

The next morning we headed out to see Bruce on an up-close and personal level: BY SHUTTLE! We hit the Visitor's Center that is run by the Bryce Canyon Natural History Association, which my Dad has been a member of for years and years.

We saw a few key and beautiful points before returning to camp. Above is Lance and myself on the shuttle.

This was Sabrina's only morning nap. *NOTE, my blessed Mother offered to take Sabrina off our hands and keep her in her hotel room over nights -which is what made any of this possible. A HUGE shout-out to Mom and Dad for your help with her!

Here's cute Mia on the shuttle! Ella was too busy socializing to be photographed...

This is us at the Visitor's Center -me strolling Bri, and Lance and Ella. Mia must have been wandering... :)

Here's a lovely "posed" family photo whereupon Mia decided to pitch a fit, and we told photogs to shoot anyway, as there wasn't a prayer for moving this little goober.

...She looks sweet...

That night we went out to eat at Ruby's Inn for the "generational dinner" -we were grouped with others from our generation and were able to catch up a bit... Sabrina had the only decent picture from the meal!

After the dinner, we gathered at the conference room at The Grand Hotel (where Mom and Dad stayed) and had "sharing time" -as we all caught each other up on our lives over the last 2 years....There was candy on the tables...

Here's the cute little family picture that was taken of us and later added as an addition to a scrap book for the event (the reunion/ Grandmother's 90th birthday) on Sunday morning.

Off to Panguitch on the 24th! Above is me at the parade (and the side of someone's VERY bruised arm -Mom, is that you??? Are you okay????).

Mia enjoyed herself running around and gathering candy (the bag from the parade mysteriously disappeared the next day...).

*The house I grew up in, Panguitch, Utah!

That night we had a huge dutch-oven dinner. Lance and I were charged with potato duty. We had to do the two ovens separately and then bring them to the family group spot that Dad had rented. ...This worked in Lance's and Seuao's (Lance's right-hand-cooking-man for an hour or so) favor, as they stayed at our little camp to do the 2nd, while Rachael and I struggled with babies. Super fun! Above is the cookie that was made to represent me. I am making the same face that the cookie is making -and it's truly, a dead-ringer. ...Thanks, Sarah! The cookie/ family project was a really fun way to entertain kids and provide some fun visiting time.

Can you tell which kid has been camping??? The next morning was Grandmother's birthday breakfast (I had a horrible migraine, which is why I'm MIA in the final pic) -here she's blowing out a very ugly 90th birthday cake. She was presented with some lovely gifts -especially the scrapbook made by my mother, which was no light undertaking.

I didn't see much of Grandmother during this reunion, and we spoke for maybe a total of 20 to 30 seconds. She was very busy spending time with those whom she wanted to see (as Dad flies her out frequently (see Christmas post, etc.) our family is secondary in priority). My Mom takes this to heart, but it's not a burden she needs to bear anymore --though I understand the mama-bear instinct quite clearly, and see exactly where she's coming from. I have come to a place in my life where I have time for those who have time for me. I consider the reunion an absolute success -no one threw up (VICTORY), and I had an absolutely lovely time seeing adored family members, and enjoying my time with my own family.SOO much work went into this whole event, and my gratitude goes out to all who contributed to its success. Family is so important to me --to us, and I'm grateful that it's been such a deep and serious priority.

Family Dinner!

2010-08-01T22:47:00.003-06:00

This afternoon the fam gathered for Mom and Granny's birthday dinner. I'd been shopping for stinkin' fresh green beans to 3 different places, and finally picked some up today. I boiled them up with two ham hocks & salt -they were scrumpy!! I also made my first jello-pretzel salad (a LANCE job), which actually turned out very tasty, but wasn't really eaten... More for me! Here's me and Mia taken earlier in the day. :)
We all chilled outside after dinner -here's our gorgeous Lexie with Noah. ME!

Ella, not being so cute!

Lily-bug!!

Sabrina was making a play for the camera -I'm a ninja picture snapper when it comes to that baby! I get some awesome shots! I seriously have to edit down. She's so stinkin' cute!

Ella -much sweeter!

Here's Nanny opening her gift from us (a new digital camera) -with all of her super helpful gift directors!

My beautiful sister Rachael!

Cute Mia -with Benny-babes in the back-ground.

Ella -I was surprised that she smiled here, because we were mid-drama!

Looking down at Sabrina. Man, I have some amazing girls.

It's been a fantastic day. I love spending time with my family. We tried to plan something out for later in the week for Sarah's birthday ('tis the season), but it's all up in the air. Guess I'll blog about it when it finally happens, eh???

My Granny

2010-07-29T23:49:00.003-06:00

Granny is such an important and beautiful part of my life. From when I was little, I can recall the feeling of absolute excitement and joy when she'd come to Panguitch to visit us in her big brown Thunderbird. Seeing Granny has never changed that same feeling for me. She's one of my favorite people.

Granny is from Tennessee, and still has a touch of her Southern accent. She has coined many a phrase which must be shared:
*Whomper-jawed (learned this word in the context of a tire on a car --it's pretty descriptive)
* I hate it (Granny nonchalantly said this as we gushed over her big vat o' baked spaghetti)
*Well I just lost my appetite (don't discuss gross things at the table -nuff said.)
*Venzeuela (said as it's spelled... there is a hilarious story about a man from Venezuela and a money mix-up)
*Home again, home again, jiggidy jig!
*Oooooo Lordymercyme!
*Remember the laughter and the love Mom asked me to put this banner together for Granny... Not my BEST work, but hard to put major quality out there with 3 kids buzzing around you! Oh, and YES, the banner says 80th birthday --it's what Mom told me to do!! NOT MY FAULT!!! Granny was gracious anyway, but now she has her age advertised on her her garage door, and it's not even accurate -insult to injury- it's a year OLDER!

: / Sorry Granny, it's the thought that counts, right???

I'm BAAAAAAACK!

2010-07-28T22:35:00.002-06:00

I'm sure the miss-me factor has been on the full side, so I'm here to relieve the fears of my faithful blog readers! I SURVIVED the Bryant Family Reunion, and actually had a wonderful time! It was a million times better than the last one (nowhere to go but up, really), full of fun vignettes of memories and special moments...
*Mia arguing with her Daddy about ice cream "Das MY i-kee-co"!
*The fireworks that rivaled Logan's 4th production, and hearing them echo through the canyon and rumble your chair (incredible)!
*Watching Aunt Kathleen speak to me and not being able to concentrate on her words, but on how much of my DAD was in her!
*Being SO jealous of Sarah the first night that she had no one else to worry about and could visit and be fabulous!
*Hearing my mouth run away at the "sharing time" when I was supposed to talk about my family and what's happened over the last two years, and verbal vomit spewed waaay too many deets without my brain editing!!! PLAN NEXT TIME, BEX!!!

There will be lots more to tell once Mary gets her pictures up on Picassa. My lovely camera died the 1st day and I forgot the charger! GRRRRRR!!!!

Bruce.

2010-07-20T22:31:00.002-06:00

It's that season again!!! It's the biennial (every two years) Bryant Family Reunion, and this time, it's in none-other than Bryce Canyon, baybee! ---For those who know it as well as I do (having grown up in Panguitch for 8 years), it's Bruce Canyon. It's a familiar term of endearment (Nolanism), reserved for those who love it most. :D

Anywho, my days have been filled with insane list-making, with shop-shop-shopping (all 3 girls attached, WHEW), and trying to appease/ sooth a husband who would rather see the event magically put its self together, and for that matter, magically be finished ("except for when I go golfing")! Men! Tomorrow is my last prep day, and Thursday is take-off.

...Can't possibly be any worse than the last reunion, so there's nothing but sunshine and roses in my book! Wish me luck, and feel free to add any camping suggestions!

Saturday in SLC

2010-07-19T23:03:00.004-06:00

The girls and I trekked to SLC this weekend to hang out with the sistas in honor of Rachael's birthday and for some much needed chick-bonding! Above is the gorgeous birthday girl! Since kiddos were (as always) part of the package, we headed to the splash-pad at Valley Fair Mall... I don't know if many people know about it, it's kind-of hidden in the middle of the shopping center, but it's quite a little treasure! The kids had a BLAST!! Above is Mia -my water-baby. :)

Here's cute Lily-bug. You can see how much she looks like her Mama!
Allen brought Benji along, and he had a blast with the fun water!
Here's my cute Ella!
For the day, we packed Rach and her girls in the van with us. Here, Lily was dancing to some Lady Gaga, and Mia was beside herself with giggles! Token self-shot! *Maaaan, I was lookin' rough by the end of the day. My skin has been thinking I'm a freakin' teenager again lately... Good times.

I loved this picture of Mia- she's so beautiful.

We ate at Sarah's house- Mary joined us too. It was such a lovely get-together. I can't begin to express what my sisters mean to me and how much I just adore them. *Ella had a bloody nose- thus the kleenex in the pic! Sorry I didn't get any pictures of you, Mary, but I love ya just as much! Excellent day.

Splash Pad!

2010-07-15T21:40:00.003-06:00

On Monday (before x-rays) we went to the Providence Splash Pad!!! SUPER FUN! I don't know if it's been announced yet, but my friend Melanie's hubby Rob works for the city and helped build it. He had us go the first day it was up and running... You can see it behind Sabrina -it's a round cement pad with lots of fountain heads that come from the ground in different water patterns. The kids loved it. ...I didn't get any good photos, so enjoy this one of Bri!

*If that lip were out any further, I could park a truck on it!

The Arm Situation

2010-07-13T22:19:00.002-06:00

So a few days ago (baaaaaad mom), Ella was getting off the trampoline at my friend Melanie's home. She didn't quite make it down correctly, and landed on her arm pretty bad. I'd been pretty nervous, but not entirely convinced that it was broken. We didn't go in to see the Doctor -they were shut down for the weekend. So on Monday I reached his office, who referred me to the Radiology dept at the hospital for x-rays. I had to make a few phone calls that night to get someone to speak to me! I did finally speak directly to my family doctor, who didn't sound too worried because he figured the radiologist would have contacted him if it were broken....
Not so much.
I got another call about 1/2 hour later that said it was a "buckle fracture" close to a growth plate in her wrist, and she needed to see a specialist for casting -or potentially a surgical correction. Frazzled mom.
We were chillin' at Candace's for Monday evening, and while Mia was in the pool during all of this, she decided to try and drown twice. I pulled that kid and just swallowed the whining (more frazzle, but better to have my children ALIVE). We left by 9PM. Yeesh!
Ella's cousin Aneesa went with us to the hospital for the x-rays. Excellent moral support!

Today we saw the specialist. We were able to get Ella a splint for her arm so that she can still get dirty and wet and have something left of her summer... It's the right thing for her. 4 weeks, we should have a brand-new Ella.

YES, I feel terrible for putting it off over the weekend. We've been good about the tylenol/ motrin. I hope that she's able to heal now and not feel the pressure and pain she's been dealing with.

Love you, Ella-Boo.

Chillin' at Card

2010-07-11T20:33:00.004-06:00

Yesterday evening we decided to hit Card Picnik Area up Logan Canyon for some dogs & s'mores! Above is Sabrina with Grandma.

Here's my cute Ella with her very chipped front teeth!

Lance, Bri and Mia. Here's where Sabrina was getting fussy and not feelin' the 'being held' bit too much. Had we let her go, half the wilderness would be in her mouth. Tough age!

Token self-shot!

Here's Lance and Ella. :)

Mia!

Debbie!

The baby!

Summer boredom

2010-07-08T22:42:00.002-06:00

I have got to come up with something new. I took the girls to the park alone today. :( Ella misses school and a schedule. I need to be a MUCH better Mom and give her something tangible everyday just to keep that beautiful little brain busy! All suggestions welcome. OH, and factor in morning and afternoon naps for Sabrina and a husband asleep during the day.

Check!

2010-07-06T23:29:00.002-06:00

Okay, the other day I was sitting with my sis-in-law Candace and her neighbor (and my friend too) Aeriole... She told Candace to list off all the things she accomplished for the day -because she knows she likes to do the same thing! I secretly said in my brain "me too"! So here it is!

1- Re-write some thank-you's from Debbie to family from Grandma Kay's memorial.
CHECK
2- Clean out and scrub the fridge (you don't want deets).
CHECK
3- Mop every hard floor in the house (a project I'd rather scrub toilets and change poopy diapers over).
CHECK

Huh. The list isn't too long -but I've been taking care of babies too! YAY me. Little mom victories.

Happy 4th of July!

2010-07-05T23:05:00.004-06:00

The weekend has been a whirlwind of fun activities --all with Lance's family. They'd been exposed to Ella and Mia's hand/foot/mouth situation, and my family was looking to avoid that mess (can't blame 'em). I MISSED THEM THOUGH!
You can see on the picture of Sabrina that her mouth still has some sores on it. Heartbreaking! ...She does have a bit more of an appetite now, so that's good. It's been a slow recovery and we're not there yet... Mia is modeling the newest trend in super fun 4th fashions (thanks, Walmart!).

Sweet Bri.

We had an excellent night at Candace and Scotty's house with kids playing in the pool, and all of us doing fireworks. No one was in the mood to hit the massive Logan City display, but oddly enough, their street had an absolutely perfect view of the higher ones -it was a great show!

Me and Lanceycakes.

Me and Candace! *Man, it was a LONG day, and I was lookin' pretty rough!

We went to Hyrum Dam the next morning. Here's Bri in her super-cute swimsuit!! Too bad I didn't get a pic of her in the baby life-preserver for the boat! SO FUNNY!

Here's me after my 1st day of grand water-weenie fun. I'd figured out how to steer it and stay on, etc. It was VERY enjoyable, even with Lance on the back bucking the weenie --and later his mom Debbie on the back bucking just as hard! Donny's goal was to make the most spectacular splash with bodies as he tried to throw us. Yeesh!

M'man.

Cute Mia-babes!

Ok, so the next day, I went with Ella and Lance stayed home with the two youngest! It was good fun for Ella -she hit the weenie again, even though her first ride from the previous day ended in a pretty scary buck into the water. ...We had a chit-chat about bravery and how life is all about "getting back on", heh heh!

Ella is actually between Scott and Candace (Aneesa, my niece in front) here for the ride! Later on I got beat up pretty bad:

Scotty and I were on the water-weenie, and I was in the back. I'm NO good if I can't see where I'm going and lean to steer it! I was a fraction of time behind what he was trying to do, and when we hit a nasty wake (at around 35 mph), I knew we'd go down, not because of what I saw (Scotty's BACK), but because of the balance. It was really quite terrifying! {Even now, I can feel exactly how I felt when I knew I'd be thrown -and it gives me chills} I was thrown like a rag doll and hit and skidded on the water in an unnaturally ungraceful manner!!! Later, Scott was water skiing, and I was filming it with Donny's camera. He'd just let go into the water, and I told Donny -who must have cut the engine (or slowed down SUPER FAST somehow) and turned sharply... It threw me in the boat and I hit the side of my head on the dash pretty hard. I had an instant headache and rode into shore still sitting on the floor of the boat working through it, and repeatedly answering three little voices (Aneesa, Chaston, and Ella): "are you okay???"

Yeah, a little more scared of the boat/ weenie than I was earlier. Go easy on me, Donny!

I love this time of year. I love that we get to gather with people who are important to us, and celebrate living in the most amazing country in the world.

My bff Erin's boyfriend is in the service and just shipped out. Bless his heart, I am so grateful that there are people like him, willing to fight for what we hold so precious --and in turn, people like Erin, who stand by them. God bless America and those who made it so incredible.

2010-07-01T22:25:00.002-06:00

Oh man. I have a siiiiiick little baby. She's teething, so that explained the fever, but it got pretty bad as I gave her a cool bath at 4 AM... Today I noticed the blisters on her hands and around her mouth. This little baby has hand foot and mouth disease, and is not impressed with any attempts to put her down. Life has been rough on Ella and Mia, as I have been a bit negligent on their care ("FINE, Ella, go get yourself a popsicle, but you have to get one for Mia too.... and help her with it!"). Yeah. My blessed sister-in-law pitched in and took a very bored Ella off my hands this afternoon and is keeping her for the night. YAY! 1 down! My mom helped me out yesterday with a stop at Sam's Club to grab essentials (milk, bread, children's motrin). Yesterday I never even made it to the shower. Motherhood is rough some days. I find myself saying many silent prayers -I can't stand to see her in pain. I hope this passes soon.

PIX!

2010-06-29T23:40:00.002-06:00

Look at what I can do! Here's Ella!

And Mia!

And Bri!

c'mon!

2010-06-28T23:35:00.003-06:00

I am having blogging issues! I can't seem to get my pictures to download. Maybe they're too big- I don't know. You'd think that after I've been blogging for this long that I should have it down... Weird.
We have had SO much going on. Since the funeral and the big Bear Lake weekend, we have lost Chaedon to some (Lance's brother's) family in Price, Utah for fun with cousins. If he misses any ortho appointments, he's in trouble! :) We had Lily's (Rachael's 1st daughter) 3rd birthday party, which was a HUGE event. It was absolutely fabulous, and inspires me to be a better Mom in celebrating the joy of having my gorgeous kiddos!

There have been sleep-overs, and swimming, and lots of shopping and running around. Life doesn't slow down, even when blogger (must be blogger's fault) does! I will probably post a grand-master-catch-me-up soon, but it looks like I'm stuck for tonight. For my faithful blog readers, I haven't forgotten you! I love that I have this record for myself and for my family, but on a few different levels, I LOVE that I get to share it with friends and others who are interested enough in my small life to sit a spell and read the words that come from my crazy head. ...Thank you, blog friends. :)

computer issues!

2010-06-22T00:00:00.001-06:00

I have many things to blog of, yet, the computer is very stand-offish at the moment, and would like some time to it's self, I suppose.
This isn't over, Mr. Computer... This isn't over.

lots goin' on

2010-06-17T23:40:00.004-06:00

I'm sure my faithful and adoring readers (wink) have been missing me for the last few days, so here's the update:

Today was Grandma Kay's funeral. I have lots of pictures and I will blog about that separately later on. Lance's family decided it was time to get the ole' boat out again, so we've been planning a fun camping trip. We leave for Bear Lake tomorrow! The daily hustle never stops, but I will be a better blogger after the weekend. :)

Stay tuned...

Happy 1st Birthday Phoebes!

2010-06-13T22:04:00.003-06:00

Yesterday the girls and I headed out to Layton to go to my brother David's home for his little girl Phoebe's birthday! She is so precious! They did such an amazing job with the party... The food was Chilean (thanks to Lexie and her mom and her mom's bf Pablo!) and divine!
The cake suckers were too amazing. I took one for Ella and she never got it... (wink!) Here's my Sabrina angling for the camera!

Mia-babes with her cupcake!

Ella with birthday schmootz on her face!

Cute Lexie with Phoebe and gift helpers!

Loved this picture of Granny-Loo.

Sarah took this picture of Sabrina. How CUTE is that?!

Messy Mia.

We seriously had such a great time. I LOVE kids birthday parties -they are a fun way to get together that totally includes the kiddos too... They're become good friends, and I love that! Thanks again Dave and Lexie! Happy Birthday little Phoebe!

SMILE

2010-06-10T21:43:00.000-06:00

Braces: yanked.

*Thanks, Dr. H. :)

Bear Lake: Round 1

2010-06-09T22:16:00.003-06:00

I am sure this will be the first of many visits to Bear Lake during the summer, so here we go! Lance had a few days of bereavement, and we decided that a good way to spend that time would be to take the fam and go for a drive -spend some time together...

Our fearless driver!

Excited little girlz!

Excited, but resting up...

Token self-shot! Unedited!

Me and Bri in the sun! :)

Sabrina's little square feet! ...She'd been to this same beach before -at one week old!

Ella's cute little feet -running around the sand!

LOVED these two shots of Sabrina with Lance!

After the lake, we went to Lance's parent's home for a fabulous dinner. We spent time working on funeral arrangements, on the obituary, and talking about Grandma Kay. It was such a beautiful day -one that will remain forever in my memory.

Goodbye, Kay

2010-06-07T23:17:00.002-06:00

We received word this morning that Grandma Kay had passed away. Tonight we said a prayer for her, thanking God for her beautiful life, for raising Debbie, and for loving us. We will miss you, Kay. May God bless and keep you.

Kindergarten: OVER

2010-06-03T18:58:00.001-06:00

This is Ella and Miss May from her final Kindergarten assessment. I don't know how she ranks in national percentiles, or anything like that... I do know that Ella has made some awesome strides this year. Her reading is coming along -and from a social perspective, she's still as optimistic and personable as ever. I'm so crazy about this kid! Congrats on finishing your first of many many many years of school, Ella!

Memorial Weekend

2010-06-01T22:31:00.004-06:00

We'll start with the best shot! I love love love this picture of Sabrina. The lighting is so interesting to me, and she just looks right through you...

Me!

Over the weekend, I got to see my dear friends the Fronks. Here's Teri with my beebee! *GREAT to see you, Teri! SO nice to get together outside of the Fest o' Trees! :)

We spent some time hanging out with family. Some of these pix are courtesy of Sarah, so thanks!

How adorable is Ella?! *YES, she got sunburned. Bad mom.

Auntie Sarah with Brina-babes.

Auntie Sarah with a very dirty-faced Mia!

My family went to my brother's grave-site, but I wasn't aware of the gathering. I will go on my own (time to myself, are you kidding me?) later on... :(

This holiday has always just meant (to me) time spent with family- and since John's death, it still means the same...

Things that make you go hmmmm.

2010-05-31T00:12:00.005-06:00

Um... Should I read anything into the fact that yesterday (after a morning with a migraine and looking the part) my sweet Mia thrust my make-up (tackle-box) at me and said "Here, go, Mommy!"??????????????

(Lance still can't stop laughing about it.)

Sometimes

2010-05-27T23:54:00.001-06:00

Given where I am, sometimes I think more thought should go to into where I'm going.

Grandma Kay

2010-05-25T23:02:00.003-06:00

Lance's sweet Grandma Kay broke her hip a little while back and has been in the hospital and now a care facility ever since. She is such an incredible woman -it's hard to see those we love suffer. We went to see her on Saturday, and she was doing really well -which is encouraging. She's a tough lady!

Towels!

2010-05-24T23:55:00.003-06:00

Mom surprised my girls with some absolutely adorable and personalized towels the other day! THANKS, MOM!!!

You know, while growing up, I never realized that this kindred spirit of a mother would someday become such a dear friend to me. I have always loved her -but my respect and admiration of her go infinitely deeper. Mom has a heart of gold. She was raised in such humble circumstances -and now is such a sincere appreciator of the beauty in the world around her -it's one of my favorite things about her. Mom, I love you so much. Thank you for everything you do for me and my family. :)

Gettin' out

2010-05-20T23:47:00.002-06:00

Logan has some wonderful places to get out and away to. The other day my friend Melanie and I have been for a few walks at Logan River Walk -it's awesome. The girls love love love getting out of the house and doing something different! I'm planning on this summer being outside as much as possible!

Me and Mel. :)

Melanie pushing m'babies -Sabrina in the back with the cheese, and pretty Mia with her stolen barbies!

Lounged and lovin' it.

Neither prepared for the shot. CUTE!

Hyrum Dam

2010-05-19T22:18:00.003-06:00

Sunday was a wonderful family day- we headed out to Hyrum Dam to celebrate my father-in-law Donny's newest purchase -a boat! That's him at the helm. ...You can see shadow and sunglasses. :)

My mother-in-law Debbie!
Lancey-cakes.
My Ella-boo!
Mia-babes!
Bri-bri! OKAY! I had to edit my picture because I was lookin' pretty haggard after the boat-ride. It's the only self-shot I had!

We had such a fun time, and Ella hasn't stopped talking about it yet! Thanks for the excellent afternoon, Debbie and Donny!

UPDATE: I'm siiiiick. You see that from time to time on my blog. My nose is a stinkin' faucet, and I have awful sinus pressure. :( Mia caught it first, and I'm hoping that it's small and viral and will go away in a few days. Everyone else seems to be doing okay (knock on wood).